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The Root of All Evil

Part 2

An Emergency Story By

Mypiot
 

 

Links to Parts 1. 2.

 

 

Roy sat beside his partner in stunned silence. He couldn’t believe the way Johnny had spoken to Guy. The entire time, Roy had been holding his breath, just praying that Guy didn’t lose his composure and run to the tent for a gun in order to shut Johnny up. Now that the encounter was over, and the two of them were sitting there unscathed, Roy couldn’t help but comment on what had just transpired.

“You’ve got more nerve than a fox in a hen house, you know that, Junior?” he whispered.

Johnny looked over at his brother with a sly grin. “Well hold onto your hat, Pally, because this was just round one,” he informed him.

Johnny’s face sobered considerably, however, and when he spoke again his tone was serious.

“The real danger will come when I speak to Ben. That guy is a walking time bomb,” Johnny stopped and looked across the camp as Ben and Bud neared the clearing. “I knew a few guys like that when I was living on the streets back in L.A. They’d slit their own mother’s throat for a dime. That’s why I won’t talk to Ben until I am sure Bud is close enough to keep him away from the guns,” he said sagely.

The statement caught Roy by surprise. Partly because of the implications, but also because it was one of those rare occasions when Johnny openly spoke about his time of being homeless on the streets of Los Angeles.

For as close as the two of them were, there was always an unspoken understanding that there were certain times in his life Johnny never wanted to talk about. And the period of his life when he was living on the street was near the top. It was second only to the subject of his parents’ funerals… or the lack thereof.

In fact, other than the statement that he had in fact lived on the streets during his recovery from the Koki Virus, there had only ever been one other time that Johnny had openly alluded to that brief period in his life between the reservation and his life with his Aunt Marian.

It had occurred several years earlier in L.A., when they had treated a homeless man who had been beaten and divested of his threadbare coat. Roy had been having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that the old man, who had had nothing, had been beaten and robbed just for the sake of a weather-worn coat.

Roy could still picture the haunted look in Johnny’s eyes when he’d quietly remarked, “There is always someone who wants what you have, Roy….even if the only thing you own is a pair of boots and a warm blanket.”

It had been a stunning revelation, both eye-opening and humbling. He realized that day that, of all the men who were on the scene of that rescue, only Johnny had seen the homeless man on the street and truly understood. He was also the only one there who was not shocked by the assault that had occurred. He’d been saddened… but not shocked.

As Roy sat there, it occurred to him just how much better equipped Johnny was at understanding and handling the uglier side of human nature than he was.  And while he may not like it…and it may scare the shit out of him, he decided to trust that his partner knew what he was doing, and that he wouldn’t do anything to get him killed.

                         ~               ~               ~                ~

Johnny stopped speaking as Ben appeared through the overgrown bushes that obscured the path leading out of the camp. It was only a second or two before Bud came lumbering up behind, his face as dark as a thundercloud. Johnny couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Bud had indeed been intending to make a run for it, only to be foiled by Ben’s arrival. Whatever the reason for Bud’s angry scowl, it cemented the idea in Johnny’s mind that as soon as night fell, he and Roy would have to make a break for it.

The three men ate in silence, ignoring their captives. During the entire time they had been held prisoner, there had only been once that Johnny and Roy had been offered any food, and that was nothing more than a stale sandwich and a bitter cup of coffee. That had been early this morning on Bud’s orders, but lately Bud was too consumed with his own thoughts to really pay too much attention to him and Roy… or so he thought.

As things stood right now, Johnny was happy to be ignored. Reaching out for food right now would only expose the fact that Roy’s wrists were no longer bound tight.

As soon as they were finished eating, Bud stood up and addressed Ben and Guy.

“After you clean up this mess, Guy can take the watch until sundown. Ben, you’ll take the overnight shift.”

Ben stood up as if to protest, but was cut off before he could get a single word out.

“I don’t want to hear it, Ben,” Bud said firmly. “You know as well as I do that this idiot,” he said pointing to Guy, “would faint dead away if a rabbit so much as scurried out in front of him in the dark. Besides…you’ve got a body to bury before dark.”

Ben looked over at Johnny and Roy and scowled. “Why can’t we make them bury him... we might as well put them to work…”

The rest of Ben’s statement was cut off as Bud stalked over until he was mere inches from the Ben’s chest. Bud’s face, if it were possible, was even angrier than before.

“I’ll tell you why. Because you are the damn fool that killed him… it’s your mess and you’re going to take care of it…do I make myself clear?”

Bud Johnson was an imposing figure when he was truly angry… and at this moment not even Ben was rash enough to challenge the man.

Ben said nothing, but he sat back down on the log next to the fire. Bud, for his part, took a moment to calm himself down before speaking again.

“I gotta get ready and head into town and find myself a payphone. Thanks to your brilliant move of taking a couple hostages, I’m gonna have to move the schedule forward. Sooner or later someone is going to miss these two and come looking for them. Now I am going to call our customers and arrange for the drop off to happen tomorrow instead of Tuesday. I want you two to get busy, while I grab a quick nap before it gets dark… and I want that west path watched within the next fifteen minutes,” he said warningly to Guy.

Ben watched with murder in his eyes as Bud disappeared into his tent. Guy had been busy gathering up the pots while pretending not to hear the exchange between Ben and Bud.

Ben stood staring at the tent for another minute or so before turning around to Guy.

“You heard him…clean this mess up and get out there.”

Ben made no effort to help Guy clear the dishes. Instead he poured himself another cup of coffee and looked uncomfortably at the covered body of his nephew. Glancing around, he watched Guy getting ready to head out. As if to bolster his self-confidence, Ben turned to the timid man before he left to start his watch.

“Go grab me the shovel and a pair of work gloves before you go,” he barked out.

Guy, like an obedient little puppy did as he was told.

                                                 ~               ~                ~

Johnny and Roy had watched as Ben dug a shallow grave in the damp earth. Johnny knew the grave wasn’t nearly deep enough and that as soon as the body began to decay, the wild animals would catch the scent and dig it up.

At present, Ben was just standing, leaning on the handle of the shovel staring at the corpse as he tried to screw up the courage to touch it. It had been over two hours since Guy had left, and Johnny was wondering what Bud would say, if he emerged from the tent an saw that the body was still above ground. He had been trying to find some way to engage Ben in a conversation for over an hour, and decided the unburied body was going to be his best bet.

“You better get that body buried before the boss wakes up,” Johnny warned.

Ben eyed him coldly, but said nothing. Johnny was suddenly glad that the guns were all safely inside the tent with Bud, but he knew he had to keep up the pressure if he was going to rattle Ben.

“It’s a lot easier shooting someone than it is dealing with the fall out, isn’t it?” Still no answer was forthcoming, so Johnny tried again.

“What’s the matter, Uncle Ben… you feeling guilty?” he needled.

Johnny could feel Roy stiffen beside him.

This time the barb hit its mark causing Ben to break his silence.

“Shut yer mouth, runt, or I’ll make you come over here and finish up,” he snarled. “It wasn’t my fault … besides it was an accident. The little upstart came at me first,” he reasoned.

“In the eyes of the law, it’s still murder,” Johnny answered.

Ben shifted his feet uncomfortably and for the first time Johnny thought he had caught a faint flicker of uncertainty in his eyes at the mention of murder.

“This is your truth,” Johnny said, using his still bound hands to gesture toward the covered body of the teen. “And you’re just going to have to sit with the consequence because the simple truth is, you can’t un-ring a bell.”

Ben’s face turned red in anger; he turned his back on his hostages while he considered how to shift the body into the grave.

Johnny sat in silence as he watched Ben stare at Rusty’s body. The longer Ben stared at the corpse, the angrier he seemed to get. It was almost as if he was blaming Rusty for getting himself killed.

Johnny wasn’t all that surprised at Ben’s reaction. It had always been his experience that men like Ben always tried to lay the blame for their messes at someone else’s door.

Ben eventually grabbed the blanket that covered the boy and used it to drag the body into the shallow grave.  He reached down and grabbed the shovel, making short work of covering the body with dirt. Once he had finished, he threw down the spade and turned to Johnny with a sneer.

“All taken care of… now no one will ever know. Or at least they won’t once we take care of a couple more loose ends,” he said, his eyes narrowing to mere slits as they bored into Johnny.

Both Paramedics had little doubt in their minds that they were the loose ends, and that if Ben had his way, they would both soon be joining Rusty in the great beyond… although Johnny was sure that Ben was counting on Bud to take care of that nasty chore.

Ben walked over to where the two medics were seated. Roy surreptitiously slid his hands between his knees to obscure his wrists from view. But he needn’t have worried as Ben’s focus was entirely on Johnny as he spoke, his mouth twisting into a smirk.

“You think you’re so smart. You wanna know why the police will never catch me?” he asked.

Johnny remained mute, his face, expressionless.

Ben laughed.“It’s because I’m smarter than they are… the way I see it, the world is like a game of chess. If you want to win, you have to understand how all the pieces move. To win you have to stay one step ahead of your enemy. Life is the board and we humans are the pieces. The police, the tax man, the suppliers, that idiot Guy… they’re all pieces. The difference between them and me is that I am a King…not a pawn.”

Ben paused to see if Johnny dared answer him. Not wanting to disappoint the man, Johnny looked him in the eyes and smiled.

“There’s only one flaw in your plan,” he explained. “You are assuming everyone is playing the same game.”

“Just because you consider life like a game of chess, doesn’t mean everyone else does. And even if they did, what if no one else feels compelled to go by your rules,” Johnny asked.

Ben clearly wasn’t sure how to respond to Johnny’s statement. Johnny, wanting to strike while the iron was hot, continued on undaunted.

“Take Guy, for instance, “Johnny said. “Everyone can see that you view him as insignificant. You think you can control him and that he will follow your chess rules. You treat him like a pet. But you should be aware that even a gentle pet can be pushed to the point where it will turn and bite…even Hitler was a helpless baby once.”

Johnny could tell by the look on Ben’s face that he was starting to get to him.

“Take your logic,” Johnny said. “You assume that you have hidden all the evidence and that once we’re gone, you will be home free. But that is an illusion. For instance, take Guy. Now you know that that man is just stupid enough to eventually get caught one day. And when he does, just how long do you think he will be able to withstand any police questioning?”

“How long do you think it would take the D.A. to figure out that Guy is a little fish in a bigger pond?  And once they do, they’ll be sure to offer him a deal to get out of a long jail sentence in exchange for information … and when they do, Guy is going to sing like a bird; the police will dig up Rusty’s bones, and King Ben, the chess master, will end up  in jail for life… for murder one.”

Any retort Ben had died on his lips as Bud appeared at the door of his tent, back pack in hand.

“Ben,” he called out. “You better grab a bit of sleep while you can. Guy should be back in another hour or so and then you’re on duty. I’ll watch our guests until then,” he said as he made his way over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup.

Ben started toward the large tent, but Bud was quick to stop him.

“Not in that tent… you can sleep in the small one. I got everything laid out in the big one and I don’t want it messed with.”

Ben threw his boss a dark look, but complied with his orders.

Bud waited until Ben had gone inside and zipped the flaps closed before turning around to scan the campsite. His gaze stopped when it fell upon the fresh grave and he shook his head sadly. Reaching into his pocket, he fumbled around until he found what he was looking for. When he withdrew his hand, Johnny could see that his hand held a roll of antacids that was nearly gone. Bud tore away the last of the foil wrapper and popped the last two tablets into his mouth.

“Stomach bothering you?” Johnny inquired.

Bud looked over and grimaced.

“Yeah, well, can you blame me?  Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if after all of this, your own stomachs aren’t churning a bit,” Bud replied.

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. “Hey, you don’t get a belly ache from green apples somebody else ate,” he answered.

There was a long silence as Bud stood staring off into the bush, his mouth twisted into a frown.

“I’m sorry you fella’s ended up in the middle of this mess,” he apologized. “You know, I really am an uncomplicated man. I have no hidden layers. I just want to collect my money, go home, turn on my TV and relax on my couch with a nice cold beer,” Bud heaved a heavy sigh as he stared at the makeshift grave.

“Money really is the root of all evil,” he muttered.

“That’s very true,” Johnny agreed. “Money makes a good servant, but a poor master.” Johnny hesitated before he spoke again. After all there was no sense in pushing someone who had no real desire to hurt you too far.

“I know you won’t kill us,” Johnny said. “Even though you sell illegal booze, you’re not a killer. You’ve kept Ben from hurting us …and it was pretty obvious from the first moment we arrived in camp that you were furious with them for kidnapping us... No matter what you’ve done, you still can’t go very far away from who you really are…at least not yet, anyway.”

Bud looked at Johnny curiously. “What do you mean …not yet?”

Johnny looked Ben in the eye, his voice, while very matter of fact, had none of the antagonistic tone he had used on either Ben or Guy.

“If you keep on living on the wrong side of the law,” Johnny started, “the very real danger is, that soon the line disappears completely and you have to draw a new line…and then another and another, until one day, you stop drawing lines completely and there is nothing you won’t do.”

“You either have to stop and get back on the right side of the law or you’ll eventually get in so deep you can’t get out. And if that happens then the sum total of your life will be reduced to either jail or death… either you control it, or it’ll control you.”

“It’s the same thing that happens to alcoholics and drug addicts. They say to themselves, I’ll just go this far and stop… I’ll just do it this once … I can quit anytime I want. Until one day they are just another junkie lying on a slab in the morgue or they’re in a hospital bed, nothing more than a vegetable ravaged by disease. It will consume you, body, mind and soul. The only way to stop it…is to stop. Otherwise the line will blur slowly by degrees….in tiny increments of time that you’ll barely even notice, until one day the line just disappears and even murder could be rationalized in your mind. Even now you do not feel responsible for the teen’s death. In your eyes it is all on Ben, am I right?”

Bud looked up sharply. “It is all on Ben,” he answered. “I had nothing to do with that boy’s death.”

“Sure you did,” Johnny said evenly. What we don’t do can be just as damning as what we do. You don’t have to physically kill a man to be guilty of murder. You brought both Ben and the boy into your little foray into the world of crime. You knew what Ben was like, but you hired him anyway. You knew that his treatment of the boy was like a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off, and yet you did nothing to put a stop to it. Failure to act when you have the ability to stop it is implied consent and therefore it makes you guilty, too. I believe the law calls it, indirect responsibility. You are involved in the boy’s death whether you like it or not.”

“Ben has dragged you into this and you cannot absolve yourself of guilt just by saying it wasn’t supposed to happen. You are using a flawed rationale to try and justify your actions … or lack thereof, and you can’t make things right with rationalization.”

Johnny thought about Ben’s chess analogy as he tried to explain his reasoning to Bud.

“You put all the pieces on the board, Bud. You set this entire turn of events in motion, and you cannot change those facts…you can’t restore a life once it is taken,” Johnny finished.

Johnny sat back and watched as Bud ran his hand roughly through his beard. It was a dangerous moment and Johnny hoped he hadn’t overplayed his hand. Thankfully his initial assessment of the man had been correct. Bud had a more even temperament and wasn’t prone to fits of irascibility the way Ben was.

Bud sat down heavily on the log and scrubbed his hand over his face. “This is such a big damn mess… how on earth did things get so out of hand?” he moaned.

“The flaw in your plan,” Johnny answered, “was that it was dependent on the integrity and loyalty of your small band of merry men. And with Ben … well, let’s just say that putting him in charge of anything is akin to trusting a hungry lion to watch a baby zebra… for basically the same reasons. By nature, both lions and criminals tend to be self-serving and unpredictable.”

Johnny realized he had just insulted the man before him and he had the good graces to be slightly embarrassed. “Present company excepted,” he said sheepishly.

If Bud was offended, he never let on.

“That is where the folly of choosing someone like Ben comes in to play,” Johnny continued. “The man has a mean streak a mile long, and when you couple that with an uncontrollable temper … you were just asking for something like this to happen sooner or later.”

Bud came closer until he was no more than a foot in front of his captives.

“You’re right. I should have stepped in and put a stop to Ben’s treatment of Rusty sooner.” Bud fixed his gaze on Johnny and the paramedic was relieved to see a genuine sorrow and regret in the man’s eyes.

“You know I really do feel guilty about the death of the boy,” Bud said sincerely.

Johnny returned Bud’s gaze with a compassionate smile.

“Only the dead don’t feel any guilt,” Johnny assured him. He paused as his eyes shifted to look at the tent where Ben was sleeping … “at least you do if you’re sane. I guess the real question here is, what are you going to do now?” Johnny asked.

“Yes, what indeed,” Bud muttered. The muscles in his jaw twitched violently.

Bud remained silent as his mind adjusted to the facts as John Gage had presented them. The utter futility in his plan struck him hard in the gut. He knew for certain that if he didn’t leave now, he could very well spend the rest of his life in prison for a murder he hadn’t wanted any part of. After listening to the young Paramedic who had risked his own life to save his grandson’s, he felt even more obligated to see that the medic was set free before he made his escape tonight.

He was just about to confer with his prisoner, when Guy appeared back in camp. His arrival put an end to anymore conversation. Bud sighed in frustration and was about to walk away when his eyes caught sight of something that made him stop in his tracks. He took another step closer to the hostages and gave Roy a long appraising look. His gaze hesitated when it got to the older medic’s wrists. Bud looked closely at the bonds, his eyes widening in recognition.

Roy held his breath while their lead captor shifted his eyes from his hands back to Johnny’s. Both captives were a relieved when, after craning his head to look over his shoulder at Guy, Bud turned back to face them with a knowing grin. He lowered his voice considerably as he leaned closer.

“I’ll be sending Ben to watch the west path tonight… I thought you might like to know,” he whispered conspiratorially. Then with a final wink he stood up straight and walked away without another word.

Both Johnny and Roy had clearly understood Bud’s unspoken message. They knew that when Bud left the camp that night … he had no intention of ever returning.

Johnny was still mulling over his escape route in his mind, when Ben reappeared from out of his tent. Guy’s arrival back in camp had apparently roused him from his sleep. Ben glanced past Bud’s shoulder to where Guy stood shifting around the liquor crates into smaller individual piles as he sorted out each customer’s order.

Guy paused in his work, almost as if he could sense Ben’s eyes on his back. It didn’t surprise Johnny; Ben’s presence pervaded throughout the clearing like some noxious miasma hanging in the air like a shroud.

The tension inside the camp grew until it was almost palpable. Apparently Johnny’s words to the men must have hit their mark as Ben and Guy watched each other closely. It reminded Johnny of a distrustful cat eyeing a suspicious dog.

As the minutes passed a strong sense of impending danger seized upon Johnny. It was like he and Roy were just sitting there waiting for the other shoe to drop …. And when it did finally drop, it came with little to no warning.

Ben sullenly walked around the camp, gathering up a bag of supplies to see him through the night. Inside his pack he had shoved a heavy sweater, a thermos of hot coffee, a couple pieces of fruit along with a handful of beef jerky.

As Ben started to head for the path he just happened to glance down at his wrist watch, a frown instantly covered his face. Letting his bag slide out of his hands and onto the ground, he began to violently shake his wrist.

“Damn … my watched stopped … and that was a new battery too,” he groused. Rubbing his hands over his face in frustration, he looked around the camp. His eyes stopped when they reached Guy’s arm and the gold watch that was situated on his left wrist.

“Give me your watch,” Ben demanded sourly.

Guy was clearly caught off guard by the request. He paused for a moment before squaring his shoulders. “This watch belonged to my father and it never leaves my wrist,” he informed Ben.

“Well now it does, Mary, so take it off and hand it over,” Ben challenged.

This time Guy did not acquiesce as expected. Perhaps he was thinking about what Johnny had said to him earlier…. Or maybe he had finally found some courage. Whatever the reason, his features schooled into a look of stubborn determination.  

“No…not this time Ben,” he said firmly.

Ben’s eyebrows arched in fury and he wheeled around on Guy angrily; his voice was hard and severe.

“Don’t push your luck,” he said warningly.

Now give me the damn watch.”

Guy made no comment, neither did he make any move to take off the watch. It was as if his own weakness was fueling a deep seeded anger, giving him a boldness he would not otherwise possess.

Caught off guard by Guy’s unexpected defiance, Ben seemed torn, almost as if he wasn’t sure what he should do.

Bud looked on in shock for a moment, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Of all the things he had expected, Guy challenging Ben was at the bottom of the list. He looked across at the two prisoners and managed to catch Gage’s eye. With a subtle nod of his head, he began to make his way to his tent where he had stashed his back pack. The time to leave had come… there would be no thought of waiting until nightfall now… Rome was burning.

Johnny had already realized that situation was becoming volatile, and he leaned over to Roy. “If a fight breaks out, we’ll use the distraction to make a break for it … make sure you head east….that’s the way back to the Rover,” he whispered.

Roy shook his head and started to protest. “But your hands, Johnny…” Johnny quickly cut him off.

“Don’t worry about it Roy, I won’t need my hands to run. Just be ready to bolt when these two come to blows… it might be our only chance if things go sour. The last thing I want is to be sitting here if one of them decides to grab one of those guns and start shooting,” Johnny whispered back.

Across the camp they could still hear Ben and Guy arguing. Johnny looked up just as Guy pushed past Ben savagely.  If he’d had time to pause and think, Guy never would never had gone after Ben, but the man was clearly beyond all rational thought and so he’d simply reacted. With a speed, Johnny wouldn’t have thought impossible for one so out of shape, Guy reached out his arm and planted his fist squarely into Ben’s midsection.

Johnny winced involuntarily as he witnessed the blow. He watched Ben stagger forward, his body sagging as he slowly fell to his knees clutching his gut.

Guy froze…he seemed to be momentarily stunned as a look of astonishment crossed his face. Then he suddenly began to laugh uncontrollably. It was a hysterical laughter whose sound was so indescribably awful it sent chills down Johnny’s spine.

Still gasping for breath, Ben stood up somewhat unsteadily while Guy continued to lose control. His laughter had changed into unintelligible ranting. He looked like some unholy cross between man and beast, his arms waving wildly, his voice at a screaming pitch while spittle flew from his lips along with various expletives. The final exclamation was punctuated by a swift lunge toward Ben.

By this time Ben had regained both his breath and his footing and he easily darted out the way, while Guy stumbled past him, falling to the ground in the process.

It was Ben’s unfortunate luck that as he landed, Guy’s hand fell upon the spade that had been discarded earlier. In a fit of pent up rage, Guy grabbed hold of the shovel and rising to his knees, he swung the spade at Ben.

Because Guy was not standing fully erect, the blow did not have much strength to it so that it barely kissed Ben’s shoulder, but it was still enough force to knock Ben backwards and onto the ground.

This time when Ben got up, it was obvious that he had murder on his mind.

Seeing the look on Ben’s face, Guy panicked and dropped the spade onto the ground with a dull thud. He spun around and ran blindly toward the path, only to find that Bud was obstructing his way.He tried to dodge around him, but he was too slow. Ben grabbed him around the throat and dragged him back into the camp.

Guy fought fiendishly to escape from Ben’s grip without much success. He flailed out wildly with his arms, but found nothing to grab onto. In a final act of desperation he brought his knee up and rammed it into Ben’s groin, causing Ben to release his grip with a howl of pain. But Guy’s reprieve was short lived. Ben’s rage overpowered any pain he was feeling and he whirled around, taking a swing at Guy.

It was only a glancing blow to his jaw, but it was enough to knock Guy off balance, sending him sprawling into the fire pit, scattering the still burning embers across the ground. In a matter of seconds the fire was gorging itself on the vegetation around the camp site. It quickly began filling the air with a thick acrid smoke from the burning leaves.

Johnny was already attempting to stand, but with his hands bound he was having some difficulty. Roy quickly shook off his ropes and stood up. He bent over to assist his partner and managed to pull him to his feet. Smoke and ash were rising up to be carried on the wind, the dry leaves and twigs acting as incendiary devices. 

The air was now thick with smoke most of it blowing in Johnny’s direction as he struggled to find his balance. The smoke was causing his lungs to burn and he began to cough. It began to feel like there was vice closing around his chest as breathing started to become difficult. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Johnny recalled feeling this sensation once before. Shit….it’s the empyema, his panicked brain screamed.

He fought the urge to gulp for air, knowing he would just be breathing in smoke, which would only make things worse. Tears formed in his eyes and ran down his cheeks caused by the ever thickening smoke…suddenly he couldn’t breathe at all.

Desperately his still bound hands began to flail as he fought to draw enough air into his oxygen starved lungs. He could still hear the stifled grunts of Ben and Guy as they continued to fight in the distance. The difficulty of breathing became so intense that his knees started to buckle.

Almost immediately Roy was by his side, supporting him as he gently slid to the ground and stayed there, eyes closed, gasping for breath. Johnny’s imagination and his practical mind merged into one single thought…..breathe.

He opened his eyes and saw Roy’s blue ones looking into his. They were full of fear and desperation. Roy’s voice had an urgency he hadn’t heard since the night he’d been hit by that drunk driver back in Los Angeles several years earlier. Only this time Roy was urging him to get up.

It seemed like an impossible command and it was with great effort that Johnny tried to do as Roy asked, but dizziness and shortness of breath forced him to give up on the idea. The task was simply beyond his limits by this point

A moment before and he might have made it…but his hands were still bound and his lungs were betraying him. Coughs were racking his body and the veins in his neck stood out as he tried desperately to breathe air into his lungs.  Johnny fought to remain conscious … he tried to focus on the sound of Roy’s voice… to let it be his anchor in a sea of smoke and ash.

Instinct took over, his mind screaming at him, telling him that he couldn’t pass out now…that he had to get up … he had to help Roy, help him.  He struggled to get back up mustering all the strength he possessed as he attempted to rise again. This time he had more success as he at least made it up to a sitting position.  He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the world from spinning.

Time began to lose all meaning….the only sounds he heard was his own ragged gasps and the pounding of his own heartbeat in his ears. He felt strangely disconnected and he began to fade out…the sound of Roy’s pleas still ringing in his ears.

Johnny made one last feeble attempt to stand, but once again his legs gave way, dumping his body onto the damp earth. He tried in vain to push himself up using his bound hands as leverage, but his arms would no longer support the weight of his body.

As he lay on the damp loamy soil, panting, just waiting for the end, Johnny heard two voices talking close to his ear. He felt someone grab hold of his hands, pulling away the rope from his wrists while Roy grabbed him under his arms and hauled roughly to his feet. He leaned heavily upon Roy, feeling for his steps, stumbling blindly along.

 At the last moment when all seemed hopelessly lost, a second pair of hands joined Roy in lifting his body off the ground and he felt himself being carried away from the flames. Through the mist and confusion, Johnny was sure that he heard Bud’s voice next to his ear whispering, “A life for a life … now we’re square, Gage.”

Then as quickly as they had arrived, he felt the weight of the second pair of hands move away while Roy continued to drag him out of the clearing and further away from the suffocating smoke. As the cleaner air enveloped him, he roused slightly, but he was still too weak to hold himself up.

He suddenly became aware that his body was rising off of the ground. The next thing he knew, he was slung over his partner’s shoulder in the fireman’s carry while Roy hurried further along the path and away from the camp where Ben and Guy were still fighting.

As Johnny’s world began to fade out, his consciousness drifting away like the mists rolling in off the lake, images of his mother and father came creeping into his mind.  And from some distant place Johnny thought he heard the sound of gunshots.

                                                              Chapter Seven

 

It was raining.

And not just a light rain, but one of those mid-summer storms where the sky opens up and water pours down with such force that it pounds against the windows and causes the storm drains to overflow.

As he lay there with his eyes closed still wrapped in the blanket of semi-consciousness, Johnny gradually became aware of voices. They seemed indistinct and far away and it took him a minute to realize that the voices were coming from the hall. The sound carried through the partially open door and into his room. From what he could discern there were only two men and although their words were indistinguishable, he had some vague notion in the back of his head that one of the voices belonged to Roy. He was so familiar with the very cadence of his partner’s voice, the tone, the pitch, the rhythms, that even half asleep, his brain identified the voice as belonging to his best friend… his brother … It was a reassuring sound.

The other man was as yet unknown, but his voice was not unpleasant sounding and whoever he was, he didn’t seem to be angry. But one thing that was very apparent was that Roy and the mystery man were involved in a serious conversation. He listened with mild interest but since he could only make out the odd word here and there, he soon gave up on any attempt to glean any information.

Slowly he pried his eyes open. He could see a small wedge of light that crept through the partially open door illuminating a small corner of the neatly made bed across the room. The clock on the wall said it was almost midnight.

He recognized the familiar surroundings of the Swanton clinic. At present he was the room’s lone occupant. It was a good sign; if he was seriously ill he would have been transferred to the hospital in Burlington.

There were no nurses or doctors present, but the signs that they had been there were apparent. He glanced down at his wrist and recognized the tell-tale signs that someone had drawn a blood gas… Not sorry I missed that. He had a nasal cannula that was supplying him with oxygen and there was an IV snaking up his left forearm. TKO… just there to keep the vein open should it be needed in a hurry.

He tried to suppress a cough that was bubbling up from his chest but failed miserably in the effort. The sound of his hacking reverberated throughout the room and he was sure everyone in the clinic would hear it and come running, which he really didn’t want, since at the moment he wasn’t in the mood for a conversation with anyone other than Roy. He propped himself up onto his elbows in an effort to help ease the spasm and absentmindedly rubbed his chest…it felt tight… and it hurt.

He managed to get his coughing under control and eased back down onto the bed, letting his body sink into the softness of the mattress. It felt good to be warm and dry. He held his breath for a moment, waiting for the inevitable white coat to come breezing into his room, but it never appeared and he heaved a sigh of relief.

Johnny lay in his bed and mulled over the events that had landed him in a bed at the clinic. He had hazy recollections of Roy supporting him as they sought to escape their captors. He was also pretty sure that Bud had helped in the effort.

He could still hear the words Bud had whispered into his ear just before he had lost consciousness, “A life for a life… we’re square now, Gage.” He began to wonder if he had really heard the words or had he just imagined them in his confused state.

Suddenly he was overcome by a powerful desire to talk to his partner. He wanted to ask him about what had happened after he had passed out. He needed to see for himself that Roy was safe and unscathed.

But he knew that in his current state, any attempt to get out of bed would more than likely result in him ending ass up on the floor. He supposed he could push the call button, but that would only result in summoning a nurse and he didn’t feel like being poked and prodded. He just wanted a few moments alone with his brother.

He decided to try and stay awake until Roy came in…he was sure he would just as soon as he finished his conversation with the mystery man. But Johnny underestimated just how tired his body was… he was beyond exhausted and try as he might, he just couldn’t keep his eyes open long enough for Roy to finish talking. He wasn’t even aware when his eyes slid shut, as he returned to the land of Nod.

The next time Johnny awoke, the rain had stopped and the sun was shining through the window. Judging by the sun’s height in the sky, Johnny guessed it must be at least nine in the morning. For curiosity sake, Johnny shifted his eyes to the clock on the wall just to see how close his guess had been… 9:06. Not bad Gage, you still got it.

He found it odd that the nurses hadn’t roused him for breakfast … maybe Dixie is on duty.

If Dixie were on duty, then there was a very good chance he would be spared hospital food in favour of something she had specially prepared for him…probably one of my favourites.

Although to be fair, the cuisine at the clinic was far better than hospital food. Since it was not often that the clinic had any more than one or two patients at any given time, the food was sent up from the tiny cafeteria where the staff ate. The woman who did the cooking for the clinic, Lillian, made great egg salad and vegetable soup … and her coffee was outstanding. In fact the Paramedics usually found a reason to stock up on supplies at least once during their shift, just so they could stop in for a cup. But nothing topped Dixie’s Chicken ala King or Joanne’s roast beef with homemade gravy and rolls.

The thought that he had people in his life who considered him special enough to take the time out of their day to do that for him made him feel warm all over. He settled down further in his blankets and put his hands behind his head. A million questions raced through his head as he lay there.

Did the police ever catch the rum runners… surely the law had been notified by now? Did Roy carry him all the way back to his Rover? Had he only imagined that he’s heard gunshots? Just what exactly had happened after he became insensate? But mostly he wondered how Roy was doing this morning. His mind was going in a thousand different directions at once. There were just so many pieces missing in his memory.

He was pretty sure Roy was fine… at least he had sounded okay when he’d overheard him talking last night in the hall … and he wasn’t in a bed beside him. That was always a positive sign.

Johnny had kind of hoped Roy would have been here when he woke up so he could have filled in some of the blanks for him. But he was well aware that like him, Roy had been through a terrible ordeal and was probably dog tired. Not to mention that he had a wife and kids that he was probably desperate to hug. Understandably after everything that happened over the weekend, Roy would have needed to get home to his family.

Johnny began to grow restless and it wasn’t long before his mind began to think about the reason he and Roy had gone camping in the first place. It had all started with that damned letter from Montana. He had barley started to mull the letter over in his mind before another thought occurred to him…the money. In all the craziness of the last few days he had totally forgotten about it. What was he going to do about the money?

Suddenly his bed ceased to be comforting. He wanted…no… he needed to go home now. He had to have some time alone to consider the matter without any distractions or interruptions from well-meaning hospital staff. Johnny hoisted himself up in his bed and did a cursory assessment of how he was feeling.

The extended sleep had done wonders for his body. He was pleased to see that his IV had been removed and the oxygen flow was on low. He took an experimental deep breath and was equally pleased to note that his chest no longer hurt and the tightness had eased up considerably.

As far as Johnny was concerned, all these things were a clear indication that he was well enough to get out of his bed and go home. Now all he needed were his clothes and personal effects. He glanced down at his current apparel and frowned; he was dressed in one of those ridiculously inadequate hospital gowns whose sole purpose and design was to put the patient in an unreasonable mood….not an unfamiliar condition when it came to Johnny and hospitals.

Johnny removed the nasal cannula and swung his legs over the side of his bed. He took a cautious step onto the floor…no dizziness, no breathlessness or coughing; all systems go.  His bare feet were silent on the cold tile floors as took a few more experimental steps to make sure he would remain steady enough to be up and around. He walked over to the window and looked outside. There was no sign of his Rover anywhere. Roy probably drove it home last night. The parking lot looked empty in front of the clinic. That was good; a slow day meant relaxed personnel. Satisfied that he was good to go, he made his way back to the side of his bed.

He easily located his personal effects in the top drawer of the nightstand. His clothes were in the tiny closet in the corner. Johnny pulled the privacy curtain around the bed so he would be obscured from view should anyone look in his room while he was getting dressed. In very short order Johnny had slipped into his clothes. He grabbed up his personal effects, shoving his wallet into his jeans pocket … No car keys … yup, Roy drove the Rover home.

The soon to be ex-patient paused briefly to put on his wrist watch. Reaching over he grabbed the phone off the bedside table and called for a cab before heading to the door. He cracked it open a few inches, cautiously stuck his head out and glanced up and down the hall.

Johnny recognized the prudence of avoiding any medical staff. If they caught him while he was still inside the clinic, they would have the psychological advantage and he would most assuredly be dragged back to his bed.

However, if he got out and made it home, even though he would catch it for sure… he would have the advantage of his home turf and in the end, although he’d get his butt chewed out, he’d ultimately win the battle to stay home.

Johnny was nearly to the side exit when he stopped short… he couldn’t do this. It wouldn’t be fair.

First of all, he knew better. And second, he’d be worrying those who cared enough about him to really give a damn, especially the one person who may very well have carried him here and gotten him the medical care he’d needed.

Oh, he was still going to leave, but he was going to be man enough to be upfront about it. He would go to the main desk and sign himself out so people would know he was okay. He would be sure that he phoned Roy the minute he got home so he wouldn’t go to the clinic for no reason… and to reassure him that he was fine.

Johnny walked back up the hall in the opposite direction. Turning the corner he approached the main desk. He couldn’t help admitting that he was relieved that Dixie wasn’t on duty. It was Nancy, a nurse he only casually knew. She looked up with a start when she saw him coming up the hall towards her. She set down her pen and put her hands on her hips… her lips turned down into a frown.

“Mr. Gage… What are you doing walking around the halls? You’re supposed to be in bed. And who gave you the go ahead to remove the oxygen?” she asked crossly.

 “I gave myself permission… I am a Paramedic you know…I do understand a little bit about medicine.”

Noting that his answer had not only not satisfied the nurse, but that her frown had actually deepened, he tried again. This time he used his crooked grin and his best lost puppy look.

“I really am fine, Nancy….feeling much better today.”

He hoped by using her first name it might soften the icy stare she was giving him. It did…somewhat.

“I just came here to let you that I am signing myself out of here …just so no one will worry,” he explained.

“I will be going home and I assure you, I plan on doing nothing more strenuous than sitting on my couch. But I have some pressing things that I need to think about and I can’t do that here while I am under a microscope. Now if you will hand me the proper form, I will sign it and get out of your way.”

Nancy fidgeted nervously, “Dixie and Dr. Early are on their break… they’ll be back in fifteen minutes. Why don’t you wait until you talk to them?” she hedged.

“Because,” Johnny answered patiently. “I have already phoned for a cab and it is going to be hear any minute… now, the forms please?” he insisted, holding out his hands.

Reluctantly, knowing she could not force the man to stay against his will, Nancy produced the forms and a pen. Johnny hurriedly scribbled his name on the dotted line and walked away leaving the somewhat flummoxed nurse staring at the paper in her hand.

Johnny headed for the nearest exit, pulled open the door… and ran smack dab into Roy. He had being coming through the door with two other men Johnny did not recognize.  Johnny stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Roy!” he exclaimed.

The look on Roy’s face went through a myriad of expressions. First there had been the initial shock of nearly bowling Johnny over as he was coming through the door. It was quickly replaced by one of obvious relief that his brother was clearly doing better. But both looks dissipated into thin air as Roy realized what the implications of his partner coming through the door meant. His blue eyes narrowed and his voice took on an accusing tone as he blocked the entrance to the clinic with his body, his hands rising to rest on his hips.

“And just exactly where are you sneaking off to … as if I didn’t know?” he asked.

Johnny immediately bristled into a defensive posture.

“For your information, Roy, I am not sneaking off anywhere. I went to the main desk and I told the nurse of my intentions of going home … and before you ask, yes, I signed all the proper paperwork,” he said shortly.

“And Early is okay with this?” Roy questioned.

Busted. Johnny averted his eyes and shifted guiltily.

“I thought so,” Roy confirmed.

“Johnny, you can’t just up and leave here before the doc clears you medically and you know it. You also know that they won’t let you show up for work until they get the okay from the clinic that your lungs are a hundred percent. Now how about we just head on back to your room and wait for Doctor Early and see if he thinks if it’s okay for you to leave? Then if … and only if he clears you, I will personally drive you home. Besides, I have your Rover over at my place anyway.”

Johnny was just about to give Roy his list reasons why he needed to leave now, but one look at the dark circles under Roy’s eyes clearly told the tale of just how stressful this past week had been on his brother. No matter how bad his desire to go home was, he couldn’t bring himself to heap any more worry or stress onto Roy’s shoulders.

He dropped his own shoulders in defeat and nodded. “Okay,” he acquiesced. “You win.”

Roy’s face softened. “It’s not a contest, Junior. But even it was, I’d say we both win. You know how careful you have to be with smoke inhalation issues… it is a small price to pay for peace of mind… don’t you think?”

The corners of Johnny’s mouth twisted into a wry grin. “Yeah… I guess so,” he admitted.

One of the men standing next to Roy conspicuously cleared his throat in an effort to remind Roy that they were standing beside the two Paramedics.

“Oh… sorry,” Roy apologized. “Johnny, these two men are with the State Police. This is officer Ken Wright,” he said pointing to a man in his fifties with salt and pepper hair and glasses. “And his partner, Robert Tinker,” he introduced.

“They’re here to get your statement about what went down on the weekend,” he explained. “Now, how about we go back to your room and you can tell them your side of things,” Roy suggested.

Johnny stuck his hand out in greeting. “Nice to meet you both,” he said shaking the officers hands before turning back to Roy. “Yeah, sure, I guess that would work. I have quite a few questions of my own,” he added.

Roy took Johnny by the shoulder and steered him back up the hall. To his critical eye Johnny was still too pale and haggard looking to be up and about.

As they made their back towards Johnny’s room, Roy motioned to Nancy behind Johnny’s back.

Go get Early, he mouthed to the nurse.

The nurse, clearly relieved at the sudden turn of events, nodded to indicate that Roy’s message had not only been received and understood, but that she agreed wholeheartedly. She set down her clip board and headed to the cafeteria with a smile on her face.

Upon their arrival back in Johnny’s room, Roy hastened over and sat in the only free chair in the room, pretty much leaving Johnny no other option but to sit on his recently vacated bed.

The two officers’ powers of observation were clearly in fine form, and a quick grin and surreptitious wink let the older medic know they had recognized his ploy to get Johnny back in bed.

They patiently listened as Johnny told his tale while they took notes. It was virtually word for word the same as DeSoto’s … except for the ending. There were some understandable gaps in Gage’s memory towards the end of their ordeal.

At the end of the interview the two officers shut their note books and pocketed them. Knowing the man before them would have a few questions, they stood back patiently and waited for their own interrogation to begin… it didn’t take long. The moment it became clear they were finished, Johnny fired off the first question.

“Is it my imagination, or did I hear gunshots?”

Ken nodded his head solemnly.

“I’m afraid so, yes. When you two gentlemen did not return home as scheduled on Monday morning, Ted Cooper called us and we went looking for you. Your wife gave us a pretty good idea where you were headed.

“We found your vehicle located in the parking area at the trailhead, right where Mrs. DeSoto said it should be. We simply followed the main path until we eventually found the new beaver dam and the flooded out trail. We put two and two together and just logically traced our way back using the secondary path that you two would have had to use to get back to your car.

We didn’t have to go too far before we caught signs of recent human activity…by then we could smell the smoke, so we just followed our noses and it lead us straight to the camp,” Ken explained.

“But what about the gunshots… did Ben try to shoot you?” Johnny asked.

Ken nodded, a grim expression on his face.

“When our team got to the camp we found the man named Guy laying out cold on the ground and Ben was trying to put the fire out. When he looked up and saw us coming, he ran over to the tent and grabbed a gun. I guess he thought he could shoot his way out of there,” Ken said.

“That’s a sure way to get a fast ticket off the face of the earth,” Johnny interjected solemnly.

Ken nodded sadly. “He barely made it to his feet…he was killed at the scene. By that time the other one, Guy, was coming around. He didn’t put up any resistance…in fact he actually wet himself as he was being handcuffed. After that it took us nearly twenty minutes to get the fire out. It’s a damn good thing that it’s been a wet year. Most of the wood was so damp and water logged that there was more smoke than there was fire. If this had been a hot dry summer… we all would have been in trouble.”

Ken paused. “We found the body of the boy,” he confirmed sadly. “We’ve finally located some next of kin for the deceased men in Kentucky. That is part of the reason we’re here. To get your statement and to sign the release so the bodies can be transported from here to the airport for transportation back to Kentucky.”

“What about Bud?” Johnny queried.

“What about him?” Ken asked sarcastically. “It’s like the man never existed. He was obviously using an alias, and whoever he is, it’s like he’s vanished off the face of the earth. We have feelers out but so far…nothing. Unfortunately the descriptions you gave us are fairly vague,” Ken said without rancor.

“Yeah, well he always had his fishing hat pulled way down on his head, so you really couldn’t tell that much about his hair… but it was graying a bit. Even though his face was covered with that bushy beard, you could see the gray in his beard… my guess is, he was in his late fifties or early sixties,” Johnny offered.

Ken nodded. “Well, whoever he is he obviously had a very good backup plan. We found signs of a dirt bike on one of the trails. He must have had it stashed along the trail someplace. Once he managed to make it to the highway, he was pretty well home free. My guess is he is out of state by now… still we’ll keep looking. We may get lucky. Guy confirmed what we already suspected… he was running a contraband liquor operation. What Guy can’t tell us is who his customers were. It appears Bud kept his cohorts pretty much in the dark about that stuff. The thing is, no one would admit to knowing him even if they knew who he really was. None of the bar owners are speaking up, because they know to do so is to incriminate themselves,” the officer finished with a sigh.

No one said anything for a long moment. Finally Johnny looked up at his partner.

“So did you end up carrying me all the way back to the Rover?” he asked Roy.

“No,” Ken interjected before Roy could answer. “As soon as we were convinced there was no one left to arrest, we cleared the search team so they could fan out on the game trails. The team located Roy fairly quickly after that. He was still struggling along with you over his shoulders.”

“I kind of got turned around,” Roy admitted sheepishly. “I seem to lack your innate sense of direction in the bush,” he grinned.

Johnny grinned back.

“Luckily we had a paramedic along with us,” Robert cut in. “Between the paramedic and Roy, they two of them took pretty good care of you. I radioed ahead and there was an ambulance waiting for us at the trailhead.”

Johnny looked over at Roy questioningly. “Who was it?” he asked.

“Gibby…from C shift,” Roy answered.

Johnny nodded. He sat quietly looking at his hands for a moment before speaking again.

“You didn’t happen to see a little dog out there did you?” he asked quietly.

Ken looked up in surprise. “As a matter of fact, Bob here did,” he said gesturing to his partner. “We were still taking pictures of the crime scene when he heard something whimpering in the bushes. When he went over, he found the little dog huddling under a rotting log. She has some minor burns on the pads of her feet. She was pretty scared, but otherwise she seemed fine. We dropped her off with the local vet.  A man named Gideon Forgrave.”

Johnny smiled. He glanced over at Roy.

Roy, knowing full well where this was headed, nodded his head and sighed.

“Yes, Johnny,” he said. “I’ll go over and pick her up until you can come and get her. But are you sure you want another dog? You already have Suka,” he asked.

“I want her, Roy; who else does she have? Truth be told, I made up my mind the moment she looked out at me from those bushes…I understand what it’s like to have nobody who wants you and nowhere to go,” Johnny said quietly.

Roy’s face sobered. “Well, you both have a family now.”

At this point in the conversation, Ken and Robert said their good-byes and wished Johnny a speedy recovery as they prepared to leave the room.

Both Paramedics shook the officers’ hands, thanking them again for everything they had done for them.

Roy watched as the door closed behind the officers. As soon as he was sure that had they left, he stood up and sat on the edge Johnny’s bed.

“So, do you have a name in mind for your new dog, Junior?”

Johnny scratched his chin thoughtfully.

“Well,” he said slowly. “Considering the fact that she’s been through hell and back… not to mention she survived the fire, I’m thinking maybe I’ll call her Ember. How does that sound?”

Any answer Roy might have had was cut off by the opening of the door. Both men looked up as Joe Early entered into the room, followed by a very irritated Dixie.

Johnny knew immediately that there would be little chance of his going home today … he was definitely outgunned on this one.

“I thought I would wait until the police were finished in here,” Joe said.

Johnny looked up warily but decided to fall back on his right to remain silent, knowing full well anything he had to say at this point would most definitely be used against him.

Joe looked over at Roy and raised his eyebrows in question. Roy looked back and shrugged.

“So, I hear you’re a little anxious to leave us, John,” he said casually as he glanced down at the chart in his hands.

Johnny shrugged his shoulders, his expression a perfect picture of innocence as he continued to maintain his silence.

“Well, your vital signs are all stable, but your lungs still aren’t a hundred percent. They’re better… but not perfect. We’d like to keep you here for a few days, for observation,” Joe answered.

The past week had been tough on the young man. Ever since he’d gotten that letter in the mail, his life had been in turmoil, and he suddenly had an overwhelming urge to be unreasonable.

“Yeah? Well you can observe me as I walk out those doors,” he said pointing to the exit.

“John Roderick Gage,” Dixie’s angry voice rang out.

Joe held up his hands to silence her before she could finish. He understood that Johnny’s nerves were probably frayed, and so he cut him some slack for his outburst. He decided his best plan of action would be to change his tactics. He handed the chart in his hands to Dixie and sat down on the bed so he was facing his reluctant patient.

When he did speak, he used the same voice he would use on a reticent child. It was a mixture of understanding and authority.

“You know, Johnny, you were lucky to come out of that fire as well as you have….damned lucky. Especially since your were so far away from medical help. Your only saving grace was that you were out in the open air and the fire was small. But even at that, you were not doing too well when Roy brought you in. Now, I know you’re feeling better… and you’re right. You have improved dramatically overnight, but you still have a ways to go.”

Johnny’s posture remained tense.

“Tell me, Johnny. How would you feel if it had been Roy that had been brought in here unconscious, with a tube down his throat as you assisted his breathing? Would you be happy if he got up less than twenty four hours later and tried to leave?”

Johnny sighed heavily and began to undo his shirt.

“How long?” he asked dismally.

“Until I think you’re ready… probably another forty eight hours,” Joe replied.

“Fine,” the young man groused. “But can I at least get some scrubs to wear instead of that thing,” he said disdainfully as he pointed at his recently discarded hospital gown. “Every time I bend over in one of those things, the mystery’s over.”

Dixie handed Joe back the chart and came over to the reluctant patient and gave him a playful pat on the head.

“I hate to tell you this my friend, but for as often as I have tended to you in the ER?  I can say with all honesty that the mystery has been over for a long time now,” she teased.

Johnny scowled as he batted her hand away. “Ha, ha, very funny, Dix.”

“Cheer up, Johnny. If you’ll guarantee me that you’ll be a good boy and get back into bed, I’ll bring you in something extra special for your breakfast,” she promised.

“It better be something extra, extra special,” he stated flatly.

Dixie looked over the top of Johnny’s head and gave Roy a wink, before turning to leave.

“I’ll have Nancy bring you in a pair of scrubs … even though you will be depriving her of a chance to catch a view of your cute little tushie.”

Johnny looked at her and scowled… “Sisters,” he muttered under his breath.

“Well, Johnny,” Joe said as he prepared to follow Dixie out the door. “I’ll let you get settled back in and have something to eat before I examine you again.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Johnny said with genuine gratitude. “I really do appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

“You’re welcome, Johnny,” Joe called back over his shoulder as he exited the room.

Johnny looked over at Roy and glowered.

“I still think that I am more than capable of looking after myself at home,” he insisted.

Roy snorted. “I beg to differ, Junior. You’re still looking a little wilted around the edges if you ask me.”

Johnny’s head jerked up. “What are you talking about, Roy? I do not look wilted, in fact…” the rest of his statement was cut short when Nancy entered the room carrying a set of scrubs.

“Here you go, John,” the nurse said as she set the clothing on the bed. “Dixie said she’ll be here in about five minutes with your breakfast tray.”

Johnny thanked the nurse and watched silently as she slipped out of the room. He stared at the scrubs with a frown, before sliding off the edge of his bed with a sigh. He bent over to untie his sneakers, but was stopped short when a series of hacking coughs erupted from his chest. Roy was immediately at his side; Johnny could feel his partner’s hand on his back, gently patting it in an effort to help clear his lungs.

Gradually the spasm ended and Johnny was able to pull himself upright and sit back on the edge of his bed.

“Not wilted huh?” Roy teased.

“I’m fine,” Johnny croaked.

Roy’s face sobered. “Here, let me untie your shoes for you,” he muttered, bending down to pull at the laces.

“Thanks,” Johnny answered.

Johnny grabbed up the scrubs from where they had fallen on the bottom of the bed and headed toward the bathroom.

“I gotta take a leak… I might as well just change while I’m in there,” he said as he entered the little boy’s room.

Roy occupied himself by straightening the rumpled blankets. When he reached for the pillows he noticed the discarded nasal cannula hanging off the top of Johnny’s bed. Roy glanced in the direction of the bathroom and heaved a frustrated sigh; he could hear another muffled cough coming from behind the closed door.

It was several minutes before Johnny exited the bathroom carrying his jeans and shirt. Roy walked over and grabbed the clothing out of his partner’s hands.

“Here, why don’t you give your clothes to me and I’ll hang them up for you later… in the meantime, let’s get you back into your bed,” Roy hesitated briefly before adding, “I don’t suppose you had the doc’s permission to take that off did you?” he asked, pointing to the cannula.

Johnny shrugged innocently. “I’m fine, Roy. Don’t worry about it. I’m sure if Early thinks it’s still warranted when he checks me over later, he’ll let me know.”

“Uh-huh,” Roy sounded unconvinced.

Just then Dixie arrived with a tray filled with a cup of coffee, toast, jam, orange juice and a covered plate that smelled suspiciously of french toast.

“Breakfast,” she announced.

“Brunch,” Johnny corrected.

“Okay, smarty pants… but I’m not the one who decided to make an escape attempt… you could have had this an hour ago if you hadn’t.”

Johnny grinned, making it perfectly obvious that he wasn’t the least bit sorry for his actions.

“Smells good anyway… Lillian?” he questioned.

“Yup… just for you,” Dixie answered.

“Good deal, I’m starving,” Johnny said grabbing the tray and setting it down on the table in front of him. He was just about to dig in when Roy approached the side of his bed.

“Listen, Johnny. Why don’t I leave you in peace to eat your meal, and come back later? Since you’re going to be here for a couple more days, I might as well slip out to your place and grab you some things… you know, your pajamas, robe, slippers… I’ll also grab your shaving kit out of your locker at the station…and that mystery novel you’ve been reading,” Roy said.

“On my way back, I’ll stop by the vet’s and see if the pup is ready to be released. I’ll tell Gideon you’re going to claim her…if she’s ready I’ll take her home with me for a few days, until you’re released. I’ll come back here during the afternoon visiting hours and we can visit then.”

Johnny nodded his mouth full of toast and jam.

“Sounds good,” he said around a mouthful of food.

“Could you grab those trades I have sitting beside my bed too? I wanna take another look at that roan I’m thinking about buying,” he asked.

“Sure thing, Junior. Anything else?”

“No, that’ll be good, thanks. Unless Joanne’s been baking,” he hinted.

“Eat your brunch, Junior,” Roy chuckled. “And then take a nap; I’ll be back in a few hours,” he said as he headed toward the door.

“Yes, Dad,” Johnny joked.

“Just do as your told and stay put,” Roy warned before heading out the door.

Johnny made a face at the closing door and returned his attention to his meal.

Joe Early had been in shortly after he had eaten and had decided that even though his lungs were not completely clear, they had improved enough that he would not have to put the nasal cannula back on. Johnny was still disappointed that he had another forty eight hours to go before he would be released, but at least he had freedom of movement.

Once the good doctor had left the room, Johnny decided that what he really wanted was a shower, but he knew there was no way they would allow him to do that unattended in case the steam brought on another coughing fit that might get out of hand, and he definitely did not want an audience. He opted instead for filling up the bathroom sink with hot water and doing his best to wash up… a shave would have to wait until Roy brought his kit from home.

He was just on his way to the bathroom, when movement outside the window caught his attention. Walking over to the window, Johnny peeked through the blinds. He saw a black van backed up at the rear entrance of the clinic, there was an orderly helping a man dressed in black load two pine boxes into the back of the vehicle. He remembered his earlier conversation with Ken Wright. He had told him and Roy that he was there to sign the papers that would release Ben and Rusty’s bodies so they could be flown back to Kentucky for burial.

As the orderly and the man in black picked up the first box, Johnny reflected back on the conversation he’d had with Ben. As he stood at the window and watched, he wondered what had become of Bud. He had given up trying to figure out what Bud’s parting words had meant. Johnny hadn’t mentioned the whispered message to anyone… not to Roy … not the police.

Bud had never been happy that Ben had kidnapped him and Roy. He was also truly sad at the death of Rusty. And he had ultimately helped Roy to free him. So as far as whom the man really was, Johnny was more than content to let sleeping dogs lie on the matter. Bud had vanished into the woodwork; Guy was in prison… he won’t last long in there; and Ben and the boy were dead.

Movement outside the window pulled Johnny out of his reverie … the orderly and the man in black had just about finished loading the bodies for their final journey home.

“Checkmate,” Johnny whispered as the coroner slid the second pine box into the van and shut the door.

                                                                 Chapter Eight

SIX WEEKS LATER:

The heat of the mid-day sun was slowly giving way to the cooler late afternoon air, as the two friends sat relaxing after a long day of painting. Roy was sitting in his deck chair, beer in hand, admiring the paint job he and Johnny had given to his front porch. Johnny sat on the top step of the veranda with his feet resting on the sawhorse they had used to construct a makeshift work bench. He was absentmindedly brushing a cobweb from his work jeans while he sipped on his beer.

Roy had enjoyed their day together with just the two of them alone, working side by side. Joanne and the kids had driven into Burlington for a day of mall shopping and a matinee. It had given the two men a chance to paint the porch without the kids getting in the way.

They had spent the day talking of inconsequential things while they worked, but the subject of recent events was never far away. They were always there, residing just below the surface of Roy’s thoughts and emotions. It left an uncomfortable sense of uneasiness in his mind.

Johnny had been more reflective of late as well, but Roy had just assumed it was because he was trying to make some final decisions about his money. He had mentioned to Roy that he’d had his lawyer take care of paying the taxes on the money and transferring the balance into Johnny’s bank account, but other than that, the only mention he had made was when he’d asked Roy to watch Suka and Ember for him while he went to pick up the new horse he had purchased with some of the money.

Johnny had made the decision to buy the horse in memory of his father, as a way of fulfilling the last promise his dad had made to him when he was ten… the promise that he would one day buy his son a horse of his own. Roy had been there when the horse arrived. It was a beautiful red roan; his coat was the colour of fire. In honor of the Stallion’s hue and Johnny’s past career, Johnny had named the horse Florian.

Roy had been so deep in thought as he sat on his porch, that he hadn’t realized that Johnny was now staring intently at him.

“You looked like you were a million miles away just now,” Johnny observed.

Roy smiled at his brother. “Not a million… more like ten,” he answered.

Johnny looked at him questioningly.

“I was thinking about what happened to us a few weeks ago. I try to put it behind me, but there are still times when I find it intruding on my thoughts,” he admitted.

Johnny nodded. “Yeah, I know the feeling,” he agreed. “It’s always the same after something like that happens to you. It’s like a destructive thunderstorm that has just passed through, causing all kinds of damage and upheaval. And even though you know it’s over and you think that you’ve finished cleaning up the damage, you still imagine that you can hear the distant roll of thunder as it moves on.”

Roy looked at his partner. “Wow, Junior, I gotta admit you seem to have a better handle on understanding all of this than I do.”

Johnny smiled ruefully. “Precious little surprises me anymore, Roy. Besides, I’ve had more experience at dealing with this kind of thing than you have… thank God.”

Roy nodded in understanding.

“You know for the first time, I really get what you must have gone through with Martin a few years ago. I mean I always knew…but now I really know … If that makes any sense. I mean, on one hand it’s like I have been given a whole new lease on life and yet it is daunting to realize that I was in real danger of being murdered. Here I am, I got away and I’m safe and happy with the ones I love. Yet even though I know I am safe, I still wake up sometimes in the middle of the night in a cold sweat after having a nightmare. It’s just seems weird how different this time feels compared to a few years ago with Martin. They were both similar…and yet so different. At least it is for me,” Roy said.

If Johnny was bothered by what Roy had said, he didn’t show it. Instead he set down his beer and moved to the deck chair next to Roy.

“That’s because with Martin you were not the victim per se,” Johnny explained. “You were just a helpless bystander.”

Johnny raised his hand in a placating motion when he saw that Roy was about to object.

“I know, Roy. I am not trying to minimize what you went through back then. I know it was very tough on you. But there is a fundamental difference between thinking you’ve lost someone you care about, and being so close to death yourself that you can almost hear the harp music. This time around you were a victim too, that’s why if feels so different to you. This time you were an active participant in very real danger of being murdered.”

Johnny paused to let his words sink in.

“You have just discovered that there is a world of difference between the two experiences. It’s still a profound experience but with a slightly different perspective, therefore the effect is slightly different. You’ve also discovered that it does matter as to what side of the coin you’re on, either as a victim or loved one watching it happen. Near death experiences always put things in perspective, Roy. And anyone who has survived, and been given a second chance, knows what I’m talking about. It’s a lot to take in and deal with. But I promise you… everything you are feeling is perfectly normal… take it from someone who knows,” he said wisely. “You’ve just gotta give it time and try not to think about it.”

Roy sighed heavily. “Yeah well, I am discovering that theory and practice aren’t the same thing…it’s a lot easier to tell yourself that you’re not going to think about it than to actually do it.”

Johnny eyed Roy curiously but said nothing. He reached down and picked up his beer, taking a long drink.

The two men finished their drinks in silence as Roy sat staring off at the horizon. He wasn’t quite sure if he should ask Johnny the other question that had been on his mind. But with the afternoon winding down and the knowledge that Jo and the kids would soon be arriving home for dinner, he decided to go for it.

“So, Johnny,” he started. “Have you made any big decisions about what you want to do with the rest of your money?”

Johnny cocked his head at Roy and studied his features.

“Well,” he said slowly. “I’ve been thinking about that…” his voice died away.

There was a long uncomfortable pause, and Roy had just about decided that Johnny wasn’t going to say anything more on the subject, when finally began to speak again.

“Can I ask you something, Roy?” Johnny questioned.

“Sure, Junior….anything, you know that.”

“Are you happy here, Roy… I mean in Vermont?” 

Roy set down his beer and turned to stare at his partner. “Happy? I don’t understand, Johnny… what are you getting at?” He was shocked at the turn the conversation had taken.

Johnny was fidgeting nervously now.

“I mean, later on…when we retire from the department. Have you and Joanne made any plans about the future? I mean you’re both from California, so I was wondering if maybe, you two would want to move back to Los Angeles when the kids are both grown and out on their own?”

Roy laid his hand on Johnny’s shoulder.

“Look, John,” he said seriously. “I’m not sure where this is all coming from, but Joanne and I love it here. This is our life … now… and in the future. California was our home…Vermont is our home.

“It’s not about where we live, Johnny, it’s about whom we live with,” Roy explained. “Home is home because the people we love are there. Jo and I have never been happier than we are now. As far as I am concerned we’re here to stay. And frankly, Vermont has been good for you too, Johnny. I think we’ve both finally found our home.”

Johnny seemed relieved at his answer.

Roy couldn’t figure out why Johnny was suddenly asking him these questions. “What’s this all about?” he asked his partner worriedly. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Johnny answered as he sat stripping the label off his beer bottle.

“Then why the sudden inquisition?” Roy wanted to know.

Johnny got up from his chair and tossed the shredded bits of paper into an empty paint can. When he spoke again, the tone of his voice had undergone a complete change. The questioning, unsure voice of a moment before had been replaced by one of conviction.

“I’m gonna bring them home, Roy,” he said with determination.

Roy was now thoroughly confused. All he had wanted to know was if Johnny had made any decisions about his finances and now suddenly the man had gone all existential on him.  And while it was true that John Gage had a penchant for jumping from subject to subject and going off on wild tangents during conversations, this latest non sequitur was a stretch even for Johnny.

Since Roy had no idea where this conversation was heading, he remained silent, but Johnny kept looking at him as if he was expecting some kind of answer. Finally Roy threw up his hands. “I’m afraid you’ve lost me, Junior,” he admitted.

“You’ll understand in a minute, Roy,” Johnny said excitedly. “Just let me get something,” he said as he bounded down the stairs and across the lawn to where his Rover sat in the driveway.

Roy watched as Johnny fumbled around in his glove box for several minutes before finally extracting a thick wad of papers. Upon his return to the deck chairs, Johnny handed him the sheets.

Across the top sheet of paper, in bold lettering was the heading: Home Burials.

The rest of the sheets were a hodgepodge of various permits and surveys. Roy handed the stack of papers back in silence and looked at his partner in question.

“I’ve gotten permission to make a family graveyard on my property, Roy,” Johnny said by way of an explanation. Johnny glanced down at the sheets in his hands and shook his head.

“Man, Roy… you wouldn’t believe all the legal stuff you gotta go through. First you have to consult with the town’s attorney and local zoning authorities. Then I had to draw up a map of the land showing the location and have it recorded with my property deed at the town clerk's office for a permanent record … and for easement on the land.

“Well, that wasn’t so bad because I live outside the city limits, which means you can usually create a family burial ground on your own land. But there were a lot of rules I had to follow. I had to make sure that the site is a hundred and fifty feet from a water supply or a one hundred feet from a drilled well and twenty five feet from a power line. Then I have to be sure I avoid areas with a high water table. And after burial, the burial transit permit has to be signed and filed with the town clerk.

“They also suggested that it would be a good idea to have it setback at least twenty feet from the front of your property. But that won’t be a problem, because I want to put it near that large maple tree in that east field. I never use it for grazing and it is a beautiful spot.”

Roy sat with his mouth hanging open. “Why in the world would you want to build a cemetery on your ranch, Johnny?” he asked incredulously.

Johnny’s face fell, and it was obvious he was hurt by Roy’s words. Roy immediately regretted his reaction.

Johnny eyes filled with sorrow as he looked out over the yard.

“Because, Roy,” he said quietly. “I wanna bring my mom and dad here….to Vermont. Now that I have found the place where I want to stay forever, I want all my family with me…both my old family and my new family,” he finished sadly.

Now, Roy really regretted his reaction. In fact he felt like a heel. He walked over and put his arm around Johnny’s shoulders and gave him a sideways hug as a show of support.

“I think that is a damn fine idea, Johnny… in fact it’s more than fine…it’s perfect,” he said gently.

Johnny visibly brightened; “You do?” he asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I do,” Roy confirmed as he gave his brother’s shoulder another squeeze.

“You know,” Johnny said as he stared down at the forms in his hand, “It’s going to be big enough for about a dozen plots,” he hinted.

“You mean us?” Roy couldn’t hide the surprise in his voice.

Johnny quickly rolled up the sheets and stuffed them in his jeans pocket as he began to back track. “Yeah, just forget it… you and Jo will probably want to be buried with one of your own families … it was just a dumb idea. Forget I said anything.”

Johnny kept his eyes averted away from Roy’s.

Roy grabbed Johnny by the arm and pushed him down into one of the chairs.

“First of all, John,” he said with authority. “You are part of my own family, as you so aptly put it. And secondly: It is not a dumb idea, in fact I’d be honored…I mean I’d have to check with Jo about it. But it’s pretty much a given that she’ll think it is a nice idea, too.”

Johnny smiled sadly.

“You know White Eagle once told me that the dead must rely on the living to correct injustices. And well, I was still in the hospital when they were buried. My mom’s folks refused to let them be buried on the reservation. In fact they didn’t even have a service. They just shoved them in a corner unwanted and uncared for. I never even got to say good-bye,” he said, his voice quivering.

Roy reached over and pulled his brother into a hug. Suddenly Johnny’s plan to bring his mother and father’s bodies to Vermont was just as important to him as it was to Johnny.

Johnny pulled away and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I want to give them a place of honor, with a nice marker, maybe plant some of my mom’s favourite flowers next to it… it would be someplace I could visit with them... You know after being alone for so long, it will be a comfort for me to know where I’ll end up…and that I’ll be with those I love the most.”

“I’m sure it will,” Roy said. “And I think it would give them a sense of peace too,” he added. “I suppose you’ve looked into how to get them exhumed and what you have to do to transport their bodies… it sounds pretty expensive and time consuming. I would imagine there is a ton of red tape involved in something like that,” Roy suggested.

“Yes and yes to both, I’m using some of the cash to expedite the process … money always talks. And it is costing me a fair chunk of the inheritance,” Johnny answered truthfully. “But it’s something I need to do… for them as well as myself.”

“I have thought about this a lot, and even though my head tells me that this money was stolen from my parents’ estate and so it is rightfully mine, my heart still feels awkward about it. It’s kind of a double-edged sword. It still really bothers me that in the eyes of the law this money is coming from that woman who had the temerity to call herself my grandmother.” Johnny paused, as the muscles in his jaw clenched. “She gave birth to my mother…that isn’t the same as being my grandmother. To me she was nothing but a nightmare; not only for what she was, but for what she wasn’t. I promised that I would not curse her name, mostly because I don’t think it is what my mom would want me to do, but that is as far as I will go … and that’s being charitable,” he said in disgust.

“Someone getting money from their grandmother may sound like a blessing to others, but for me it was, in reality, a curse…or so I thought,” he added quickly before Roy could rebut it.

“I know, don’t say it, Roy…the money is morally mine, but when it comes to anything concerning my grandparents it is rather difficult for me, even on my best days, to separate the blessing from the curse.”

“The one thing I do know for certain is that time catches up with everyone and we all have to face our maker one day. And what I do with this money says a lot about who I am. So apart from the horse, Florian, which is what I think my dad would have been pleased about, I am going to try and do good with the rest of the money. I wanna do things that will erase all the sadness associated with it…things that will replace it with smiles. And having my parents in a place of honour…where I can visit them… a place that I can bring flowers to on mother’s day… would mean a lot to me and help right a wrong that happened when they didn’t get a proper funeral.”

Roy kept silent, but he reached over and squeezed Johnny’s hand in support. Their eyes met and conveyed everything that needed to be said.

Johnny broke eye contact and shifted nervously in his chair. “That brings me to another issue, Roy….my will. Should anything happen to me, I have willed the ranch to you and your descendants, with the proviso that Dixie live in the cottage as long as she wishes. With me making a family cemetery on the land, I thought it best to at least make sure the land will stay in the family as long as possible…at least until after we’re long dead.”

Roy tried to object, but he was quickly brushed aside.

“There’s more, Roy, and I want you to hear me out,” he paused. “Now, before I tell you this next bit, I want you to understand my feelings on the matter.”

Roy wasn’t sure he was going to like what Johnny was about to say, but he decided that the young man who had become his brother, deserved his undivided attention.

“Okay, little brother… I’m listening,” Roy said sincerely.

Johnny nodded his thanks and began to reveal the next part of his plan.

“First off, Roy, I want to make it clear that there is a big difference between value and money, so I have no interest in buying a lot of expensive gadgets or cars with the last chunk of money. One thing meeting Joanne’s folks has taught me, is that you don’t own things…they end up owning you. Money can never really make you happy or satisfy you…there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more you have, the more you want, so instead of filling a vacuum it creates a bigger one.”

“So because of that I have divided up the money that will be left after I re-inter my parents and buy the stone. Granted there isn’t a huge amount left, but I have decided that the part that did rightfully belong to my grandparents that is left after paying the taxes will be donated  to the city of Swanton, to fix up the local park. You know, to build new swings and slides…maybe build a proper ball diamond,” Johnny glanced at Roy to make sure he was paying attention.

Roy smiled and nodded his approval at the first part of his plan… now Johnny hoped he would be just as amenable towards his next announcement.

“As for the part that is left over from my share…I am sending you and Joanne on an all-expenses paid vacation.”

Roy’s reaction was instantaneous. He glanced up sharply, shaking his head. 

“Johnny, no….that is your money,” Roy began.

“To do with as I please,” Johnny interjected. “…and this would please me,” he said ignoring Roy’s protestations.

“It’s done, Roy. I have booked it, and paid for it and everything. As soon as I took care of the cost for bringing mom and dad home, I went to the station, and looked at the schedule for this winter. According to the schedule, you cannot take any more time off until the New Year, so I got together with the other guys, and you are now booked off for two weeks, from February tenth to the twenty fourth. During which time, you and Joanne will be flying to the Maldives to fulfill your fantasy.”

Johnny’s face was lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Fulfill my fantasy?” Roy said in obvious confusion.

“Yeah, Roy….you know when I asked you if you could have a day to do anything you wanted… you know, before we were shanghaied?”

Roy’s eyed widened as recognition set in.

Johnny was positively gleeful to the point that Roy was sure he was about to bounce right out of his skin.

“Yup…you got it, Pally,” Johnny said with excitement. “You and Jo will be spending Valentine’s Day on your own private beach…complete with beach hut, I might add. It is booked for ten days. I figured you’d want a couple days to come back down to earth after you got home,” he finished with a wink.

Roy stood before his brother, completely stunned. For one brief moment Roy thought about refusing, but one look at the expression on Johnny’s face pushed any notion he might have had about turning him down out of his mind. It wasn’t often lately that he’d seen his partner so overcome with joy and he knew the right thing to do was to be gracious and accept Johnny’s wonderful gift.

“I don’t know what to say, Johnny,” Roy said, his voice full of emotion. “This really is too much… I mean, no one has ever done anything like this for me before.” He shook his head and smiled. “Joanne is going to be over the moon… but Johnny, are you sure?”

Johnny rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“Yes, I am completely sure. Let me do this for you, Roy… and by the way … Joanne already knows. I wanted to make sure she was okay with the dates and everything and that it didn’t conflict with anything else she had planned. Once I assured her it was what I really wanted to do, she was on board. In fact she helped me pick the destination. I couldn’t decide between the Maldives or Bora Bora.”

Roy sat and thought about it, his eyes staring off in the distance… a goofy grin on his face.

Johnny came up beside him and nudged his arm playfully. “Just imagine it, Pally. A private beach…all alone for ten days…just you and Jo on a blanket underneath the stars with a bottle of wine,” he hinted mischievously his eyebrows waggling.

Roy laughed and took a half-hearted swipe at the back of Johnny’s head. “You know, Junior. You’ve made this sound so good, I may never come back,” he threatened.

Now it was Johnny’s turn to laugh. “Naw… after ten days your hut turns back into a pumpkin,” he teased.

The playful banter was cut short by the sound of tires crunching on the gravel as Joanne pulled up in front of their house.

“Oops, I guess the Rover is in Joanne’s spot,” Johnny said guiltily.

Roy patted his shoulder. “I wouldn’t worry about it. With this vacation you’re giving us, I’d say you’re golden for at least ten years. You can pretty well screw up royally and you’ll be forgiven now.”

By this time Joanne was coming up the walkway, shopping bag in hand.

“Did you tell him?” Joanne asked Johnny.

“Yup….just now,” Johnny answered with a grin.

Joanne came over and pulled both her men into a sideways hug. “Isn’t it wonderful, Roy?” she exclaimed.

Roy was just about to agree when Chris and Jenny came running up the walkway behind their mother.

“Dad… you gotta see the new bikes Uncle Johnny bought for us. Trent is going freak when he sees mine, it is the exact one he wanted but his mom said it cost too much,” Chris exclaimed.

“Mine is purple and it has grown up hand brakes,” Jenny beamed proudly.

“New bikes?” Roy questioned.

“Oh, yeah… I guess I forgot about that bit,” Johnny confessed. “I used a small portion of the money to buy something little for a few other people. I bought Seth, the young man who looks after the stock when I am away, a nice saddle for his horse. I got Joe and Dixie season tickets to the theatre and I bought Chris and Jen new bikes.”

Roy was about to tell Johnny that he shouldn’t have been so generous, but Joanne, anticipating his protests, jabbed him in the ribs. “Just say thank you, Roy. I already talked it over with Johnny…and he really wants to do this. So be obliging and accept it graciously, “ she ordered.

Roy closed his mouth and grinned sheepishly. “Thanks, little brother,” he said as he pulled him into a quick hug.

Johnny accepted Roy’s hug before pulling back. “Hey,” he said with a grin. “I do have an ulterior motive here. I saw that Joanne had all the fixings for her lasagna sitting in your fridge when I grabbed our beers earlier…  I was kinda counting on an invite to dinner,” he joked.

Joanne gave Johnny a playful slug on his shoulder. “Go help Roy get the kids bikes from the back of the station wagon, you brat and I’ll get dinner started. Just make sure that you two have a shower before you come to the table. You both reek of paint thinner,” she said before opening the front door and slipping inside.

                     ~                    ~                       ~

Roy sat on one of the deck chairs watching his children ride their new bikes up and down the sidewalk. He had just finished his shower and was sitting outside waiting for Johnny to finish his own ablutions before they ate. He held in his hands the small bundle of forms and burial information sheets Johnny had asked him to hold while he cleaned up for dinner.

Chris and Jen, having filled up on hotdogs and sodas after the movie, had been content with a sandwich and glass of milk for their meal. Both Roy and Joanne suspected their lack of interest in a large meal had been more about the children wanting to ride their new bikes for a bit before it got too dark than it did lack of hunger. Nevertheless, Joanne had quickly agreed. After a full day of following her offspring around malls and movie theatres, she was more than willing to have a chance for the adults to eat their meal in relative peace and quiet.

Roy pulled his attention away from his children and began looking over the papers in his hands on home burials while his partner showered. As he thumbed through the thick missives, several slips of paper covered in Johnny’s barely legible chicken scratchings fell onto the porch. Roy picked up the notes and glanced at them…several words on the sheets jumped off the page at him causing him to hold the papers closer while he studied them intently.

As he read the notations, he took note of the date of the exhumation. It quickly became apparent that Johnny was planning on heading to Montana in two weeks’ time along with a funeral director in order to retrieve his parents’ bodies. From what Roy could make out from the notations, Johnny had switched with one of the guys on B shift so he could have an extra three days travelling time. It also appeared he’d had to buy a new casket, because it was pretty much a given that by now the originals would have started to rot away. The plan was to have both bodies re-interred together in a single casket.

That made sense. After twenty years there would be nothing but bones left… especially since his dad’s body had been badly burned in the fire. Put them both in one casket would be a logical idea.

Roy smiled; he was sure the idea of his parents being together for all eternity had brought some measure of peace and comfort to Johnny. As he sat reading the rest of the notations, an idea began to form in the back of his mind. First off, he would have to speak to Joanne about switching shifts as Johnny had done, because there was no way in hell he was going to let Johnny go back there alone. Even though Johnny hadn’t asked Roy to go with him to Montana, Roy knew he’d be needed for emotional support. Roy felt his ire rise as another thought occurred to him. Heaven help anyone who even attempted to say anything unkind or hurtful to his brother while he was there. Now, more than ever, Roy was determined to be there to shield Johnny from any barbs that could be potentially tossed his way from anyone who might be less than thrilled to see his return.

Roy was so deep in thought that he hadn’t heard Joanne call out through the door that supper was ready. Barely a minute had passed before the door opened and Joanne appeared looking slightly irritated.

“Roy, didn’t you hear me? I asked you to please go and see how much longer Johnny’s going to be because your dinner is almost ready,” she repeated. Roy still did not answer as he concentrated on the papers in his hand.

Joanne was about to raise her voice when she suddenly noticed the scowl on her husband’s face. She caught sight of the papers and deduced that they were the cause of his consternation … which immediately sparked her interest

Momentarily distracted as he read the documents, Roy hadn’t heard his wife’s voice. It wasn’t until she put her hand on his arm that he realized he was no longer alone. He looked up at his wife, and observed the odd expression on her face.

“Oh, sorry honey… did you call me?” he asked guiltily, while he quickly folded up the papers and shoved them down the side of the deck chair.

“Roy, what are those?” Joanne questioned as she pointed to the stack of papers shoved between his thigh and the edge of the deck chair.     

         

Not quite sure if Johnny had said anything to anybody else yet, Roy hedged around his answer… after all it was Johnny’s place to tell people about it when he was ready to do so. But then again, he and Joanne had never made a habit of lying to each other. Being honest and upfront about everything was one of their steadfast rules. He scrunched up his face as he tried to decide what to do. Roy finally came to the conclusion that since Johnny had already confided to Joanne about his plans for their vacation, he was probably just as okay with her knowing about his other decisions regarding his money… besides she was going to find out soon enough anyway. 

“I was just reading these papers Johnny asked me to hold for him,” he explained. Joanne stood beside the deck chair and waited. It was obvious she was expecting to hear the rest of his explanation.

As she looked down at her husband, Joanne could sense Roy’s hesitation to elaborate any further on the subject. The obvious frown on his face told her that whatever it was about, it was serious.

Not usually one to pry into other peoples’ personal lives, Joanne found herself hesitating. If it had been about anyone else, she would have let the matter drop…but it wasn’t just anyone….it was Johnny.

By this point Roy had unfolded the forms and began reading them again, the corners of his mouth still turned down into a frown.

Gently Joanne reached over and took the papers from her husband’s hands and began reading them. Although she didn’t understand everything concerning the forms she was reading, she got the gist of the idea. She looked up from the sheets and gazed at her husband questioningly.

Roy felt the intensity of her stare and knew an explanation was in order. He motioned for his wife to sit down in the deck chair beside him.

“Johnny is using a large part of his money, to bring his parents’ bodies to Vermont. These,” he said holding up the sheets of paper, “are the forms and permits he had to obtain to get permission to bury them on his ranch,” he explained.

“And this has you worried?” Joanne queried.

Roy shook his head. “Not the act, no… but the fact that he intends to go back to that place alone, does concern me,” he said worriedly.

Now it was Joanne’s turn to look concerned. “Is that wise? I mean, it’s going to be pretty emotional for him….probably a lot harder than even he imagines.  And what about those people who treated him so badly… some of them are still bound to be there?”

Roy sat staring at the papers. “I agree, Honey, and that’s why I was hoping you would be agreeable to my phoning up one of the guys at the station and getting someone to switch shifts with me so I will be free to go with Johnny when he heads back to Montana in two weeks.”

Joanne patted her husband on the knee and stood up. “You make the call, while I see how close he is to being out of the shower,” she said with a smile.

Roy stood up, dropping the forms on the seat of his chair. He pulled his wife in close for a passionate embrace. “I love you Mrs. DeSoto… more and more every day,” he said kissing her.

Joanne returned the kiss and then whispered in her husband’s ear, “That goes both ways, my love… now go make that call.”

Roy snatched up the papers and went into the living room, picked up phone and began to make a few calls. By the time he heard Johnny exiting the shower, everything was settled.

He was just heading to tell Joanne, when he heard Johnny coming down the hall.

“It’s a good thing I thought to bring a change of clothes with me, because those other ones are going to need some major laundering,” Johnny said as he came into the living room tucking his shirt tail into his jeans. He had a towel draped over his shoulders to catch the water that was still dripping from his wet hair.

He caught a whiff of the fragrant smells wafting into the living room from the kitchen. “Mmmm……something smells amazing. Is it ready, because I am starving?” he asked patting his stomach with a grin.

“We’ve been just waiting on you, Junior,” Roy answered.

For the first while no one said a word as the two men hungrily shoveled food into their mouths.

“Slow down,” Joanne chided. “You’re not in danger of getting a called away tonight.”

“Sorry… old habits,” Roy apologized as both men slowed their pace.

They were about half way through their meal when Roy cast Johnny a long sidelong glance.

Johnny instinctively felt Roy’s eyes on him and looked up and met his partner’s gaze, his eyebrows raised in question.

“What time do you want to leave for the airport?” Roy asked.

Johnny looked confused. “Airport … what airport…what are you talking about Roy?” He said around a mouthful of lasagna.

“When we go to Montana to get your parents in two weeks… what time are we leaving?” Roy answered as if it were a foregone conclusion.

Johnny’s fork stopped mid-air as he turned to stare at his partner. “How did you….?” He started.

Roy smiled patiently. “I saw the notations you made in that stack of papers you asked me to hold. I called Colin and he is going to switch shifts for me so I can accompany you back to Montana.”

There was a long awkward silence. Johnny put his fork down and smiled tightly.

“Look, Roy. I appreciate the gesture, but there’s no need…”

“Well I think there is, Junior,” Roy interjected. “You said so yourself, you won’t exactly be welcomed back there with open arms. And there is no way I am going to allow anyone to give you any kind of hassle while you go get your mom and dad.”

Johnny was both touched and impressed by the determination he saw in his older brother’s eyes. But he still didn’t want Roy to have to pull any double shifts on account of him. He pushed back his plate, stood up and walked over to the kitchen window. He gazed out across the yard and watched Chris and Jen ride their new bikes along the sidewalk in front of the house.

“I’m not going to the reservation, Roy,” he said quietly. “I will only be going to the county office to drop off the forms and then I plan on going straight to the cemetery… and that’s it. There is no one left there that I care to see and no nostalgia I care to revisit,” Johnny clarified.

“I’ll only be there a few hours at most. Besides I’ll have the funeral director with me… and I’m not a child anymore. There’s no need for you to rearrange your schedule for the few hours I’ll be there… I’ll be fine,” he tried to reassure Roy.

 “I’m going, John, end of discussion,” Roy answered firmly.

Johnny looked at him and opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it again.

He still looked a little bothered but kept silent.

“Now that that’s all settled, who wants a piece of cherry pie?” Joanne asked, trying to change the subject.

Johnny looked at the two DeSoto’s and threw his hands in the air in surrender.

“I do,” he said resignedly. “Better make it a big piece… losing an argument always makes me hungry,” he said with a wry grin.

Joanne laughed and gave the top of his head a scruff. “Just for giving in without a huge fight, I’ll make yours a double.”

Just as Joanne was serving the dessert, Chris and Jenny came back into the house, effectively ending any more discussion on the subject. By seven o’clock Johnny had excused himself, saying he had to get home and tend to the stock.

Later that night, Roy and Joanne lay in bed discussing what they had learned that afternoon regarding Johnny’s plans to bring his parents to Vermont. Both agreed that Vermont suited Johnny, that he’d developed an equanimity that only comes with the passage of time.

Roy was especially pleased with his idea of bringing his parents’ home to Vermont. He thought it was something Johnny had needed for a long time, and long after Joanne had drifted off, Roy was still thinking about his younger brother and their upcoming trip to Montana.

The fact that Johnny had never gotten to go to his own parents funerals was something that really bothered Roy. Johnny’s early years read like a really bad Dickens novel. Only it wasn’t just some dystopian tale written by one of the old masters from a bygone era; this was Johnny’s reality, or it had been until he had met Roy and his family.

Roy had always admired his younger partner’s indomitable spirit and his determination that would not be stopped. As first responders they heard about courage all the time, but Johnny’s life story was about a different kind of courage. And Roy had seen that courage in action, not only on the job, but also in their recent run in with Bud, Ben and Guy. But what John had had to do as a child … Roy couldn’t even imagine the courage it took for someone so young to not only survive, but come out the other side a better man for it. The eyes of the boy Johnny had been had grown into the eyes of the man, and it coloured how he viewed life. It had certainly given him a greater understanding of both sides of human nature.

The one missing aspect of his story was the fact that Johnny had never been given a chance to say goodbye. He hadn’t been allowed to grieve his loss properly and Roy wanted to make sure that this time he was given what he’d been denied as a child. He just needed to tread carefully….he didn’t want to overstep the mark.

Roy understood some of why Johnny was how he was. The death of his parents had happened at a critical age. It had been a life changing event. At ten Johnny had been old enough to understand what had happened, but too young to emotionally deal with it on his own.  And not having a funeral…not even being at their graveside when they were buried meant he had never been allowed to fully come to terms with it; he’d been denied the natural grieving process, especially when the system did not even provide justice for his parents’ murders … as if they didn’t deserve justice.

His parents had been unceremoniously put into the ground in a hurry in an attempt to sweep it all under the carpet before questions could be asked.

And then, almost immediately Johnny had been thrust into an abusive situation and had spent the rest of his childhood just trying to keep his head above water. He’d been ordered to forget his parents… almost as if they had never existed. His grandparents had literally tried to erase them from existence. There was so much Roy felt Johnny needed to do…so much that had been left undone regarding his parents’ deaths and now was his chance.

Roy wanted to see that Johnny got that chance. He wanted it to be a real funeral, not just a quiet interment.  Whether Johnny knew it or not, he needed to have a proper funeral. He needed the opportunity to remember them … honour them …to show the world that they had existed and that they had loved their only son, and that Johnny had loved them back.

Roy was of the firm belief that the family left behind needed to stay connected to the deceased. In a culture where one is encouraged to move on after a while….they somehow forgot the need to remember. And Roy was determined to let Johnny hold on to the memory of his biological family… to let his mom and dad openly live on in his heart.

And this time around Johnny would have a supportive family that would honor his grief and allow him to openly express it without fear or recrimination; a family that would allow him to be honest about his pain… to acknowledge the pain.

One of the biggest tragedies of Western thinking was the whole notion that big boys don’t cry. And it seemed that just like the rest of the Western world, the Native culture had been afflicted by those same ‘put on a brave face’ attitudes … that somehow men were not supposed to feel the pain of loss as deeply or intensely as others.

There was just so much Johnny needed from this funeral… and Roy knew that he needed to make sure that it happened. With his mind now made up, Roy rolled over and closed his eyes. He had a lot of phone calls to make in the morning and he wanted to be well rested when he did so.

 

                                                           Chapter Nine

 

Roy leaned back in his seat and idly flipped through the magazine in his hands. He’d only been half-heartedly reading the article on fly fishing in Vermont anyway. His mind had been more preoccupied with the events that were to take place that day. The procedure as explained to him was pretty straight forward. Johnny had pre-arranged for a rental car to be waiting for them upon their arrival in Montana. From there they were to drive to the churchyard where Johnny’s parents had been buried to meet up with the funeral director and the hearse. Johnny had picked out and paid for a new casket that he had ordered through the Montana funeral home that he had entrusted with the arrangements on that end. The funeral director would be bringing it along with the hearse. His parents’ remains would then be carefully transferred into the new casket as the old ones would have suffered too much deterioration, and would not be stable enough to be removed from the ground in one piece.

Once the transfer had taken place, the funeral director and the new casket containing the remains of both Roderick and Kate, would be driven by the hearse to the airplane and loaded on board for the return trip home. Once in Burlington, they would be met by the funeral director and a hearse from the local funeral home that would take possession of the casket and keep it until the re-interment service that would be taking place on Johnny’s ranch the following afternoon.

And so the three of them, Johnny, Roy and the pilot, had packed into the twin otter airplane at four that morning and set off for the small landing strip located close to the village and churchyard where the bodies of Rod and Kate Gage currently rested.

Roy peered over the top of his magazine, stealing occasional glances in Johnny’s direction. He watched as Johnny stared out the window of the small airplane. Roy wondered what the younger man was thinking. For as much as Johnny seemed to be gazing at the panoramic view, he was clearly not seeing the sky or clouds.

It was obvious that his younger brother was engrossed with his own thoughts. He was someplace else, lost in the mists of his memories. And as much as Roy thought Johnny bringing his parents back to Vermont was a great idea, he was also concerned about the emotions the undertaking was bound to stir up.

One of the inherent dangers of revisiting his traumatic past was that as Johnny began to delve into those dark places, there was always the chance that he might become overwhelmed and consumed by the flood of all those emotions.

Getting trapped in a time of upheaval and darkness wasn’t what Roy wanted Johnny to get out of this whole endeavor. This was supposed to be a venture that brought the man some measure of peace, and Roy was sure that in the end it would, but in the meantime he did not want Johnny’s mind to become stuck in a bad place.

He had to make certain that Johnny stayed focused on the positive. Montana was no longer his home. His home was in Vermont now, and that home was a happy place full of all his successes… all his happiness. It was a home that was full of all the people he loved and who loved him back. This trip was about having his mom and dad close to him again … it was not intended to be a reliving of past horrors.

But Roy also realized that he was walking a tightrope, because Johnny did need to have a chance to grieve as well. Having been denied the opportunity as a child, Roy wanted to give Johnny the chance to mourn his parents loss properly now. He deserved the opportunity to have a real funeral and acknowledge that grief … to not have his pain just swept away under a carpet. That was the whole point of this mission…to give Johnny the chance to give his parents the funeral they had deserved.

Roy understood that funerals were not for the dead; they were for the living. They were done to allow the survivors a chance to release their pain and loss openly. To acknowledge the fact that they had lost someone important to them…that they were hurting.

It was especially important in Johnny’s case because his parents’ death had been so senseless and without any valid reason. It hadn’t been a tragic accident that had taken their lives. Nor had there been any illness or old age involved.  The truth was their deaths were the direct result of that darkness that is evil. They had been run down and murdered because of hatred, prejudice and greed. It had been a crime that not only the reservation, but the entire town had hastily covered up, rather than search for the truth.

Roy wanted to believe that this kind of thing no longer happened in this day and age, but the truth was, that it did. There was still a segment of society out there that gets thrown into the mix and wreaks havoc on the rest of the civilized world and it probably happened more often than he cared to think about. It was just that most people didn’t like to speak of it when it occurred in their own neighbourhood. It usually made them uncomfortable and nervous to face the fact that it existed in their own little world. But it did exist, feeding like a cancer, eroding the social fabric of every society it touched. It was still endemic in certain areas of the nation. It lurked in places where people would rather self-destruct and kill each other rather than build up the community.

And sadly, twenty years ago, the brain trust that ran the little town where Johnny had grown up had allowed such things to happen. They had allowed people to kill with impunity.

Roy’s private musings were cut short by the pilot’s announcement that they were about to land. He looked out his own window and marveled at the vista that appeared before his eyes. He could see the Rocky Mountains stretching off in an endless line from north to south. Johnny turned towards him and gave him a forced smile.

“Well, let’s get this over with. I don’t want to hang around here one minute longer than I have too,” he said tightly.

“I’m with you on that one, Junior,” Roy agreed, giving the dark haired man a supportive squeeze on his knee.

The landing strip itself was well maintained if not large. There was a small steel building that served as the terminal. Just as Johnny had promised, they were met by a middle aged man with slicked down hair outside the building who had brought their rental car.

As soon as Johnny and Roy stepped onto the tarmac, the man approached them seeking confirmation of their identities.  He informed them that since they only planned on being a few hours, he would be waiting for them at the airstrip to take the car back to the agency once they returned.

As the men made their way toward the terminal, the man with the plastic hair chatted aimlessly with the visitors.

“You said you’ve been gone for fourteen years?” He asked. “Well then you will notice quite a few changes to the little village,” he stopped and shook his head. “It’s not much more than a ghost town now,” he amended.

Plastic hair never bothered to look to see if his audience was paying attention, he just took in another breath and continued to prattle on. 

“In the last decade the population has dwindled down to not much more than fifty people,” he told them. “You see, when the feed store burned to the ground ten years ago, it was the beginning of the end to the village. Not long after that, the man who ran the grocery store retired and no one was willing to take over running it. The last real store to reside there was the dry goods and hardware store. But after the demise of the other two businesses, it wasn’t long before it went belly-up too. The owner had given credit out to too many folks who simply couldn’t pay their debts. By that point most of the young people had left for the bigger cities anyway and so now all that remains are a few old folks who just can’t seem to make themselves leave the only home they’ve ever known.”

Plastic hair turned and looked at his audience expectantly. It was obvious that he was waiting for some kind of acknowledgement that he’d been heard.

Johnny nodded politely, but was clearly disinterested in what the man had said, so Roy spoke up with a simple, “That’s a shame.”  It wasn’t much but it seemed to satisfy the man.

Roy knew that Johnny still harboured a lot of resentment towards the locals, and understandably so. Therefore there would be little chance of him feeling any urge to wax nostalgic about anything pertaining to the village. He simply didn’t care about the fate of the village or its residents…he felt no loyalty to anyone there.

Five minutes later, after confirming their return flight schedule with the man at the desk, plastic hair led the two of them out of the lounge door to where their rental car was waiting for them.

Johnny grabbed the keys from the man’s hands and opened the door on the driver’s side. “I guess I better drive. Fourteen years’ absence aside, I still know the area better than you and your map,” he said with a grin.

They left the airstrip and headed north. As he pulled out onto the main highway, Johnny wondered if he would still recognize many of the landmarks. He decided to go right to the graveyard and forego stopping to get something for breakfast first. Both men just wanted to get the job over with and head home as quickly as possible.

As they drove along the highway, they came upon a fast food joint on the side of the road. As if on cue, Roy’s stomach rumbled. Johnny looked over and grinned. Hitting the signal light, he pulled up to the drive thru window and ordered two large coffees and a couple of muffins for them to eat on the run.

With little to no traffic on the roads, the two men made good time getting to the village… or what was left of it. As they drove up to the church it was clear to Roy that the village was indeed on its last legs.

The once charming white clapboard church had clearly fallen into disrepair. It had closed down a decade earlier as the congregation had slowly dwindled down to nothing. Across the front of the church, there was a set of sagging steps with parts of the railing broken off and dangling loosely in mid-air. The paint was cracked and peeling, the side doors hanging off their hinges. At some point someone had spray painted some graffiti on the boarded up windows.

The church and churchyard were connected by a small stone bridge that stood over a winding river. If Roy concentrated hard enough he could picture the distant images of past residents walking over the bridge to church in a bygone era.  It was a sad testament of the times as society grew more secular and less spiritual.

The bridge was still passable on foot, but Roy wasn’t certain about its ability to hold up a hearse. They were going to have to carry the casket over the bridge to the waiting vehicle.

The churchyard itself had succumbed to the long grasses and errant saplings that had sprung up here and there over time. It looked forlorn and neglected. Much in the same way as Johnny’s parents had been discarded without a backward glance twenty years earlier. When Roy finally did see their actual graves several minutes later, it drove home what Johnny had gone through as a child. It was a testament to his younger brother’s amazing capacity for hope in the face of so much pain and loss, when he so easily could have lost himself in despair.

Johnny stopped the car and got out, closing the car door with more force than he’d intended. The morning clouds were heavy; almost a morbid grey. It seemed to be a fitting tribute to the solemnity of the occasion. The sky suited his somber mood.

Johnny stood for a moment staring off at the churchyard gate before stepping back to lean on the hood of the car. They had arrived at nine…a full hour before the diggers were scheduled to be there.

Standing by the gate of the churchyard, his mind drifted back to the last time he’d entered through them. He’d only ever been to the gravesite twice in his life. Once with old Bill when they had gone to pick up supplies when Johnny had been twelve or thirteen. The old foreman had secretly taken him to see where his parents had been buried. The only other time had been on the morning he’d left Montana for good.

Johnny stood and slowly pushed the gate open and walked through. He had no difficulty in identifying his parent’s graves….even in their overgrown and neglected state.  The dim marker sat behind a patch of overgrown shrubbery, the flat stone was so overgrown with grass, that it took him several minutes to scrape down far enough to uncover the weather-worn inscription on the plain pink marble slab … just his parents’ names and the dates of their births and deaths. He had to scrape away the moss that had crept into the engraved lettering: Roderick and Katherine Gage, the death date stared out, mocking him: September 23, 1960.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that their spirits were still here in the unseen shadows…ghostly images that were his memories.  It was as if they crept out and lurked behind every tombstone. But then again, maybe places like this retained all of the past … every antecedent happening … not just the good, but the bad too.

Suddenly he was glad Roy had come with him to Montana. He knew he was going to need his adopted brother with him today and he was incredibly touched that Roy had insisted on coming along for support. It was a greater showing of love, caring and family that anything a blood relative could have given him. Together they would remove his parents from this God forsaken place and leave the ghosts to slip back into the shadows.

Johnny’s attention was pulled away by the arrival of the hearse and the grave diggers. Just the mere sight of them filled him with an overwhelming and unexplainable sense of dread.

He stood before the graveyard entrance, his eyes transfixed on the hearse by the edge of the cemetery bridge. His face clouded and he gave the workers a dark look as he realized that in a very few moments, he would be looking upon all that remained of his parent’s bodies.

Thinking of his mom and dad had always been a catch 22.  On one hand, he wanted to forget the horrific images of their murders. But that would mean he would have to forget them entirely and he needed to remember them… they deserved to be remembered. That was why he was doing this in the first place.

They had given him life; he was the product of their love. But he was now questioning the wisdom of his being here to witness this.

As he stood with his back to Roy, he could hear him talking with the group of men that had assembled behind him in hushed tones. Just then the grave diggers appeared in his field of vision, equipment in hand.

Suddenly the sense of dread he had been feeling began to overpower his senses. Coming here to the cemetery was a mistake. This wasn’t a mental picture he needed filed in his memory. He did not want to see the bones that represented all that was left of his mom and dad. He wanted to remember them alive and vibrant…whole.

His heart began to beat loudly in his ears and his breathing increased in intensity, threatening to break his resolve to hold it together.  Johnny clenched and unclenched his jaw as he fought to hold onto his fragile emotions. He found he couldn’t look at the scene in front of him so he forced his eyes upward toward the sky, and he began pacing nervously.

Just when he thought he could stand it no more, a strong comforting hand reached out to grab hold of his arm and halt his pacing.

“Hey, are you okay Johnny?” Roy asked, his voice filled with concern. When there was no response from Johnny, he tried again, this time more insistently.

“Talk to me John,” he ordered. “What’s the matter?”

Johnny swallowed; his Adam’s apple bobbing as Johnny struggled to find his voice.

“This was a mistake, Roy,” he said, his voice shaking. “I shouldn’t be here… I don’t want … I can’t see them like this… not like this,” he said pointing at the ever growing hole in front of them. He sounded both apologetic and definite.

Roy immediately sprang into action, silently cursing himself for not realizing sooner that this would be too much for his brother. He grabbed Johnny by the arm and pulled him away from the activity in the churchyard.

“Come on, Junior,” he said gently. “Let’s get you back into the car.”

Johnny allowed himself to be lead back through the rusty gates of the churchyard and into the passenger seat of the rental car.

Roy excused himself as he went over to speak with the funeral director. A moment later he returned to the car and held his hand out.

“Give me the keys, Johnny. The funeral director will oversee things here. He’ll meet us back at the airport in a couple of hours… let’s get you out of here.”

Johnny nodded his head but remained silent as he fished the car keys from his jeans pocket and handed them over.  As they made their way back to the small airport, both men knew without ever saying a word that Johnny would never again return to Montana.

                                      ~                      ~                        ~

 

The flight home was done in silence.

Johnny finally drifted off to sleep shortly after takeoff and Roy was loath to disturb him. He had made a quick call to Joanne from the terminal to make sure their guests had arrived. Roy and Joanne had decided that this time around, Johnny’s parents would have a proper funeral, and that his brother would be surrounded by his family and friends to give him all the support and love he deserved.

That had posed a slight problem because no one in Swanton knew of Johnny’s past, other than the fact that his parent’s had died when he was a child, and that he had travelled out to Los Angeles at the age of sixteen to live with his Aunt while he finished high school and attended the fire academy.  Although they were friends with their new shift mates, they did not have the closeness that the crew back in L.A. had had.

Of course they had been told of Johnny’s decision to bring his parent’s bodies to Vermont to be buried, but they knew nothing of the fact that he had never had the chance to have a funeral all those years ago. And although they knew the bodies were to be re-interred, they had no idea that it would be anything more than a quiet ceremony with just Johnny and Roy’s family there.

In the end, it was decided that only those that had been trusted with the truth about Johnny’s past should be there. After all, it would be they who understood the true importance of having a proper funeral now. He, Joanne and Dixie had spent the better part of last week, making phone calls and arranging billeting for Hank and Emily Stanley, Mike and Heather Stoker, Marco, Chet and Kelly Brackett.

Hank and Emily Stanley would be staying with him and Joanne, and Kelly Brackett would be staying with Joe Early. Mike and Heather had booked a room in the local bed and breakfast, while Chet and Marco had been put up in a local motel.

At first they had considered billeting the two former linesmen with Johnny, but after today Roy was glad they had opted for the motel instead. Their original line of thinking had been that Johnny might prefer to be alone with his thoughts during this time and he certainly would not be in a socially entertaining mood.

After seeing how upsetting the day had been for the younger man, Roy knew Johnny wouldn’t appreciate Chet’s brand of humour…although to be fair, Johnny and Chet had come a long way as far as their friendship was concerned.

They had both grown a lot in the last few years and were much closer these days.

Roy smiled as he remembered back to a time several years earlier when they were still in Los Angeles. He and Johnny had been partners for just over three years, and Chet and Johnny at that point were often at odds with each other.

There had been this one time, when Johnny was in the shower, that Chet had asked him how he could put up with his over exuberant partner, without screaming at him to just shut up. Roy had been a bit surprised when the rest of the crew had nodded in agreement with Chet’s question.

On one hand Chet did have a point. Johnny could go off on some pretty wild tangents at times, moving from obsession to obsession with dizzying speed. And there were times when it had left Roy at wits end and frustrated.

In fact there were some days Roy’s head would be spinning just trying to keep up, only to discover that when he did finally catch up; Johnny had already moved on to a new topic.

At the time, Roy had sat down at Station 51’s kitchen table where everyone could hear so he would only have to speak his piece once. His words had been slightly chiding while remaining serious and respectful.

“We have a very dangerous job; any one of us could buy it at any moment. Each call could be our last. As Paramedics we face it on both fronts, and with all the tragedy I see on a daily basis, I realize the fragility of life, and how precious it is. And for that reason, I never want to take my life or any of my relationships with those I care about for granted.

“So when I feel myself getting frustrated or low on patience with the endless and sometimes inane chatter from my partner, I try to remind myself how I would feel if he was suddenly taken away from me and I could never hear that voice again.

“I know I would miss the sound of it terribly and my world would somehow be so much duller because he wasn’t there anymore. I especially feel that with Johnny, because several times in the last few years he has come awfully close to dying.  There was the Koki virus, the snake bite, and several other close calls in various fires or explosions.

“Each of those times, when I thought I had lost him, it just drove home the message about cherishing what I have all the more. But I guess one of the biggest realizations, was when I watched what Johnny went through when he lost his policeman friend, Drew Burke.  I saw firsthand the anguish on both Johnny and Drew’s wife’s faces as it sunk in that they would never get a chance to talk to him…or hear his voice ever again.

“So now, instead of getting frustrated when I hear his voice going on and on …  I smile and thank God, that I still get the chance to have him in my life. I have my best friend… my brother with me. Besides, Johnny is good for me.  Johnny’s, “happy to be alive” zest for life is just the tonic I need sometimes, because sometimes I second guess and worry about things too much …I get too serious.”

Chet had never questioned him again. And now all these years later, even though Johnny had never calmed down as he had reached the age of thirty; Roy still felt the same way.

Roy shifted his gaze and watched his best friend and brother as he slept. By tacit agreement, he and Joanne had decided to wait until the next day to inform Johnny that the rest of his old crew had come for the funeral. They had figured by the time he arrived home and made sure that the casket was safely at the funeral home, he would be at his limit for human interaction for the day.

Knowing Johnny like he did, Roy was sure he would probably prefer to spend the rest of the day alone to re-center himself in preparation for his parents interment the next day.

The day had been emotionally exhausting for Johnny and after returning to Vermont and reassuring Roy that he would be fine, Johnny told Seth he would take care of the animals himself that night. Once he was alone, he put the dogs in their kennel, saddled up Koda and disappeared for the rest of the day. 

Neither Roy nor Johnny got much sleep that night. Roy couldn’t sleep because he was worried about Johnny. And Johnny’s mind was spinning with a myriad of thoughts. They ran the entire gamut from the night his parents had died, to hoping the stone monument he’d ordered would arrive in time for the service tomorrow as promised.

The morning of the funeral dawned bright and warm. It was the perfect September morning. As planned, the burial was taking place on the twentieth anniversary of his parents’ deaths. Johnny figured it was a fitting way to remember what had happened, and the only chance he would get to right a wrong concerning their lack of a funeral. He felt it was the closest thing to justice either he or his parents would ever receive this side of heaven.

Johnny had struggled with himself as to how the interment service should happen. He couldn’t decide if he should add in some native traditions to the service or not. In the end, he decided that since his mother had attended the Christian church with him when he was a child, he would opt for a simple, Christian burial. After all, it was the same God who made all people, and it was to that God his prayers would be directed.

Not knowing how Dixie felt on the subject of religion, he had hesitated about asking her to sing a simple hymn during the interment. He had asked Roy and Joanne their opinion on the matter but had ended up not pursuing the matter any further.

The next day, Dixie had stopped by the house and informed him that Joanne had spoken to her that morning, and that she would be honoured to sing at the service. She had explained to him, that as part of his Tiyospaye she felt that in a spiritual sense, his parents were now a part of her extended family too.  

In the end they had together chosen two songs for her to sing. It was decided that she would sing Amazing Grace before the brief sermon was given, and Abide with me, at the close of the service.

For the service itself, Johnny had approached the minister from the church Joanne and the kids regularly attended. Johnny had given the minister a brief rundown of the circumstances about how he had been absent from their original burial, without giving out all the gory details.  He had simply said it had been a car accident and that he had been in the hospital and too ill to attend the first time around. The minister then asked Johnny several questions about his parents and his early years with them.

The black granite headstone for their graves had been ordered weeks earlier. He had had it specially ordered and engraved with instructions on the date and time he wanted it delivered.  He had decided on the simple inscription of:

                                                                        

    Gage

                                         Roderick John                                        Katherine Marie

               May 7, 1930 - September 23, 1960           June 14, 1931  -September 23, 1960

                                  

 Faith builds a bridge across the gulf of death

                                                Beloved parents of John

In the top right hand corner John had the stone mason engrave a picture of the necklace his father had made for his mother on the day of their engagement. It was also the one that Johnny currently wore under his shirt.

It was no surprise to Johnny that Roy was the first to arrive on the morning of the funeral. He had shown up shortly after seven with breakfast in hand.

Johnny suspected that Roy had done it to ensure that he actually ate something that would sustain him through the service. The original plan had been for Roy to bring his suit to Johnny’s and dress there. Joanne and the kids would arrive later and go to Dixie’s cottage where she and Joe Early would wait until the service was to begin. Johnny had already arranged for Seth to take charge of the animals that day for him, so he would have time to get ready for the service without having to worry about the livestock.

The two men were sitting on the porch sipping their coffee just sitting in companionable silence, when Roy leaned forward spinning his coffee cup around in his hands. He nervously cleared his throat, drawing Johnny’s full attention.

“You got something to say, Pally?” Johnny asked.

Roy raised his eyes to meet Johnny’s and nodded. “It’s about today’s service John,” he started.

“What about it?” Johnny asked.

“I hope you won’t think that I’ve overstepped my boundaries, but Joanne and I got talking about it, and we both thought that it was so unfair that you never got a chance to say goodbye to your folks twenty years ago; and we were even more bothered by the fact that at the time, you didn’t have any kind of moral support with you.” Roy paused to gauge Johnny’s reaction to what he had said before continuing on with his confession.

Johnny looked at him quizzically and nodded. “And?” he urged.

Roy shifted nervously in his seat. “Well, I kind of thought that maybe this time around you deserved to have a proper funeral surrounded by the people who truly knew and understood how important this service was for you… so I sorta invited a few guests to attend.”

“Guests… what kind of guests?” Johnny asked warily.

“Not many,” he assured Johnny. “Just, Chet, Doctor Brackett and the rest of the guys from L.A….you know, Mike, Marco and Cap,” he explained, still referring to Hank Stanley by the title they had known him by back in Los Angeles.

“Hank and Emily are staying with Jo and I and Mike and Heather are at the Bed and Breakfast. Brackett is staying with Joe and Marco and Chet are staying at the motel. We figured you would want some space over the next couple of days so we billeted everyone out. They arrived here yesterday while we were in Montana,” he explained.

Roy held his breath… either Johnny would be touched by what he had done or he’d be angry. He sat and waited to see what the verdict would be. Thankfully, it was the former.

Johnny’s eyes filled with moisture and he reached over and gently squeezed Roy’s hand.

“I don’t know what to say, Roy… I… I …” he paused to gain control of his voice.

“For so many years, it felt like I was all alone in this world… that nobody gave a damn whether I lived or died… and I guess back then it was true. But then as the years passed and I grew older, I began to realize what an insult mom and dad’s burial had been to both me and them, and I really resented the fact about what I had been cheated out of. Not only had they taken away my family… they had even taken away my chance to grieve.”

“The fact that you understand that, and that you went to so much trouble to make this service matter… that you made sure that I had all of my closest and dearest friends… my family around me to witness it… well…it’s just…” he reached over and pulled Roy into a one armed hug.

“Thank you, brother… thank you for getting it,” he said tearfully.

Their tender moment was interrupted when Ember came bounding out of the house and jumped up on Johnny, nearly causing him to spill the mug of coffee he still held in his free hand.

Johnny wiped away the last of the moisture from his eyes and pulled the puppy onto his lap.

“How’s her paws?” Roy asked pointing to soft bundle of energy that was licking Johnny’s chin.

“Fine… no problems at all,” Johnny answered gently pushing the puppy’s face away from his. “In fact the only residual sign of her ordeal is that she has a bit of separation anxiety. Suka; she’ll get up and happily follow Seth around the barn whenever he comes over, but this little girl,” Johnny said giving the puppy’s head a scruff, “this one sticks pretty close to me, unless I am at work … then she clings to Suka.”

The conversation came to a standstill as Johnny stroked Embers soft fur. He stared at the pup, seemingly lost in thought.

“You know, Roy,” Johnny mused.  “Rusty and I … we weren’t that different, him and I.”

“Except you chose a different solution to your woes,” Roy interjected. “And that is exactly why I think the two of you happen to be very different.”

Johnny nodded but said nothing. There was another lull in the conversation before Johnny set the puppy on the porch, stood up, walked over to the railing and turned around so that he was facing Roy.

“So… Chester B’s in town is he?”  Johnny chuckled.

Roy nodded.

“You know there was a time I would have been angry about that,” Johnny said ruefully.

Roy smiled. “Yeah, you two have come a long way from those early days at 51’s.” 

“Chet sure knew which buttons to push when it came to me,” Johnny admitted.

“Well, in your defense Junior, there were quite a few times Chet took things way too far,” Roy said with a frown.

Johnny looked down and smiled sadly. “It was pretty easy to hurt me back then, if that’s what his intentions were….hell, even if it wasn’t his intention. But I guess it kind of goes with what happened to me when I was a child,” he said introspectively.

“Back when mom and dad were killed and things went down the way they did … it was such a painful and confusing time for me. Initially you are in shock and you can’t understand why the people who are hurting you are doing it…especially when it is your own family. At ten you trust that they will be there for you. I mean I had never really known them… but they were my grandparents, and grandparents are supposed to love their grandchildren no matter what. But after a while you just start to accept it… and then eventually your mind begins to lie to you. It tells you you’re not worth the effort…that you must have done something to bring this on. You begin to accept that how you were born, your skin tone…or lack of it, determines your worth in life. Your mind has a huge arsenal of lies and it is very good at convincing you that those lies are fact. It really messed me up for a long time.” Johnny admitted.

“It’s those invisible scars that leave the deepest marks,” Roy agreed sympathetically.

Johnny returned to his chair and flopped down bonelessly into the seat.

He leaned his head against the back of the chair and stared up at the porch ceiling. “You know, Roy,” Johnny reflected. “I still struggled with that up until a very short while ago. I would be going along with my life, doing great and then it would suddenly intrude, knocking me sideways. But I’m not as vulnerable these days. I’m at peace now and I don’t pretend I am okay with what my grandparents did to me anymore. I acknowledge it now when it gets to me. I allow myself to feel sad on my parents’ birthdays or those special occasions I wished they could have lived to see.”

“I’ve learned some important life lessons over the years, Roy. Some of them you taught me, some I discovered on my own, and yes, even good old Chester B taught me a few along the way.

“I’ve learned that perception isn’t always accurate. That it isn’t always based on fact, truth or knowledge. Sometimes it is based ignorance, prejudice and hate. I’ve also learned that I am not personally responsible for other people’s interpretations or their misconceptions of those facts.”

“But the biggest lesson I’ve learned, is that I matter. What I do matters and what I have accomplished has changed lives in a positive way, both professionally and in my personal life. I have discovered that I am important to someone else. That I am loved….and I can love back. And when those memories come back to haunt me, I make sure that I put the blame for what happened where it belongs … and it is not on my doorstep … not anymore,” he said with a certainty that pleased Roy.

“I’m not alone anymore.  I’ve got family…we’ve just got different last names,” he finished with a smile.

Roy reached over and patted the dark haired man who had come to mean so much to him and his family on the shoulder.

“You never really had the chance to develop those relationships until you were an adult. And that was a tough row to hoe, but you did it and I couldn’t be more proud of you, Johnny,” Roy said, the admiration in his voice, unmistakable.

 “You get the credit for a big part of that, Pally,” Johnny admitted.

“Because from the moment I came to Los Angeles, right up until the time that I met you, I was just playing the role of John Gage. But then I walked in that office at HQ to sign up for the paramedic class, and there you were,  just sitting there, urging me to sign up. And you’ve been urging me forward ever since. And then once we really got to know each other and we started working together at 51’s, my life slowly began to change for the better. Somehow you found a way into my life. And even more surprising was the fact that not only did I let you in… but that I liked the feeling of trusting someone again.”

“And as time went on, you demanded that I stop hiding behind that goofy exterior and start opening up to you.” Johnny briefly paused. “The truth is, you changed me, Roy. You changed my life. I’ve grown as a person and I found myself again … I rediscovered the real John Gage that I had locked away when I was ten. It was you who forced me to open up the doors that I had shut and locked when my parents were killed. And when I finally did open up those doors again, you were still there… you didn’t bolt and I realized I liked the view on the other side of that door…I liked it a lot. I owe you a debt so huge I could never really repay it, Roy…never,” Johnny said earnestly.

“You owe me nothing, Johnny,” Roy said firmly. ”And even if you did… which you don’t … I would say  that you have more than paid me back a million times over just by being my best friend… my brother.”

Johnny raised his eyes skeptically at Roy.

“This isn’t just lip-service Johnny, nor is it just a bunch of platitudes.  It’s true…you’ve changed me too, Junior… a lot. And if you don’t believe me, you can just ask Joanne. I’d never had a best friend before you wandered into my life. I didn’t have anyone to share guy stuff with. I had no one to go on fishing trips with or just talk to about the stresses of the job. You added a whole new element to my life that I never even realized was missing.” Roy paused and looked at Johnny uncomfortably. “You know, I was never as spiritual as you are, Johnny. But I have to say, that I truly do believe we were meant to meet each other.”

Johnny nodded in agreement. “I believe that’s true too, Roy. I really do believe that you were a gift to me.”

Roy was about to object, but Johnny raised a hand to forestall his protest. “We were a gift to each other,” he amended; to which Roy nodded in agreement.

Any further discussion on the matter was cut short by the sound of a van coming up the lane. Johnny recognized it as the truck from the monument store he had purchased the headstone from. They had come out several days earlier to prepare a base for the stone to sit on.

Johnny looked at his watch and was surprised to see that it was already nine o’clock. He and Roy had been talking for nearly two hours. He rose from his seat and met the delivery van as they pulled in. He was still discussing the placement of the stone with them, when the grave diggers arrived.

After producing the proper permits and the map that showed the approved plot of land, the gravediggers made their way to the field to prepare the ground for the interment that was to take place that afternoon at two.

Johnny left the men to their work and returned to the porch, where Roy was busy picking up the remains of their breakfast.

“I guess maybe we better shower and get dressed before my guests begin to arrive,” Johnny said. He was about to head to the kitchen, when he suddenly stopped short. “Oh man, Roy. I don’t think I have enough food here to feed all the added guests after the service,” he said in dismay.

Roy just rolled his eyes and sighed. “Relax, Junior. Do you really think Joanne and I would have planned for extra guests without taking that into consideration?  We didn’t want you to have to worry about cleaning up any messes and the women didn’t want to have to spend all their time in the kitchen, so we called in a caterer. They’ll be here by one to serve and they’ll clean up and be gone by five.”

Johnny stood dumbfounded. “You didn’t need to do that, Roy. But thanks. Just give me the bill and I’ll pay you back.”

Roy looked hurt. “I will do nothing of the sort, John. We’re family, remember? This is the funeral for your mom and dad, and this is what family does for each other. They are there to help and support you during difficult times. We couldn’t be there for you when you were ten, but we’re sure as hell going to be there for you this time. Now, I don’t want to hear another word about this. We’ve taken care of everything. The only thing you need to do is take the time to properly grieve and say goodbye to your mom and dad.”

Johnny’s eyes filled with moisture as he struggled to find the words he wanted to say.  In the end, the only thing he could manage to choke out was a quiet, “thanks.”

Roy put his arm around his shoulder and steered him toward the great room. “Don’t worry about trying to keep it together today, Johnny… that’s what this day is for. It’s to give you back the chance your grandparents robbed you of twenty years ago. You’ve needed to do this for a long time. There isn’t going to be a person here today who doesn’t understand that.”

                                          ~             ~                  ~

The minister arrived with the hearse shortly before one. Over the next half hour the rest of the mourners began to arrive and make their way to the gravesite. Finally just before two, Johnny and Roy made their way out of the ranch house and down to the graveside so the service could commence. It filled Johnny’s heart with warmth when he saw how many flower arrangements had appeared and been placed around the casket. The minister opened the service with a prayer, and then Dixie sang, Amazing Grace.

The preacher then spoke of life and death…the times and seasons everyone would eventually have to go through. He spoke of the love Johnny obviously had for his parents, and how they had obviously been persons of great integrity, to instill such good and lasting values in their son in just the few short years they had been given with him. Finally he spoke of the surety of resurrection and how one day they would all be reunited in Kingdom of God.

Another prayer was recited for both the living and the dead followed by the twenty third Psalm which was recited by all.

During the entire service, Roy stood with one arm around Joanne, and the other around Johnny, lending him both his strength and support. And for the first time in his life Johnny openly wept over his parents deaths. He wept for what he’d lost… for all the things that might have been had they lived. He wept because they were finally being honoured in a manner that befitted the people they had been. But most of all he wept because he felt like he finally could… because the people around him cared about his loss and were acknowledging his pain.

 Dixie closed out the service by singing a moving rendition of the hymn, Abide with me. Then beginning with Johnny, each of the mourners took a rose from a special vase that had been set near the casket for that very purpose and placed it onto the casket.

Johnny stood, his eyes fixed upon the casket as the last of the group placed their flower on top of the polished wooden surface of the casket and stepped back. Roy quietly motioned for others to leave the two of them alone. For a long moment, the two men stood side by side in silence.

“They are up in heaven smiling down this day, Junior. You are their son….a living reminder of their love for each other. They loved you with every bit of their being and you’ve done right by them. You’ve done them proud, Johnny,” Roy said.

Johnny was too overcome by emotion to speak. He opted instead to give his brother’s hand a tight squeeze as the tears flowed freely down his face.

Roy put his arms around Johnny’s shoulders and gently eased him back from the casket. “Come on Johnny… it’s time to go, now.”

Johnny stepped forward and squatted down beside the casket as he placed his hand on the polished wood. He remained that way with his eyes closed and his head bowed for several minutes. Finally he rose and straightened his shoulders. With a final swipe of his eyes, he turned and smiled at Roy.

“I guess we’d better be getting back. I have a house full of guests waiting to eat.”

When they arrived at the ranch house, people were quietly milling about. There was the low murmuring of voices as everyone spoke in the hushed tones one only hears at funerals. Johnny accepted the awkward handshakes and wishes of condolences from Mike and Marco. They knew about pain and death, in the same way anyone who was in their profession did. They were among the elite few who knew about Johnny’s past, and why he had needed the chance to do this. They also knew that by bringing his parents to Vermont to be re-interred, Johnny was announcing that he had finally found his home and he would not be separated from his mom and dad again.

Both Brackett and Joe Early were a little more demonstrative as they came up to offer their support. Brackett placed an arm around his shoulder in a kind of a sideways hug. He told him that he thought it was long overdue and that the service had been beautiful. The women of course were more open with their tears and hugs, as women tend to be. But it was Chet’s reaction that surprised Johnny the most. For the most part, Chet had hung back, looking uncomfortable and lost for words. It wasn’t until most of the other guests had moved off to mingle, that he had come up and put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder.

“It was a really nice service Johnny… and I am glad you got the chance to do this for your mom and dad. But I am most happy that you got to do it for yourself. I really am.”  And then to Johnny’s absolute shock and amazement, he reached over and gave him a hug.

For a long moment neither man knew what to do, and the silence between them was so prolonged that it seemed like neither man was going to speak. But it was Chet who found his voice first.

“I know in the past, John, that I was a real jerk about some of the things I said and did regarding your heritage. But I want you to know, that I really do regret doing those things. Seeing that casket today really made me understand that what happened to you was more than just an old family tale… that it really did happen and I am so sorry you had to go through that. I know it had to have been really rough. If it had happened to me, I’m not sure I would have survived it.” Chet’s voice trailed off and he shifted his feet uncomfortably. “I just wanted you to know that I’m impressed by what you’ve accomplished, man… really impressed and I really do feel bad about some of the things I said and did in the past.”

Johnny looked at his friend and saw the sincerity in his eyes. Smiling he reached over and gave his friend a quick hug in return. “It’s all water under the bridge now, Chet. I think over the years we’ve both have grown up a lot… and thanks for what you said. It means a lot to me.”

Any further conversation between the former shift mates was halted when Hank came over and put a strong comforting hand on Johnny’s shoulder.

“How are you holding up, Pal? I know it’s been a long couple of days for you,” he asked.

Johnny turned and smiled at his former Captain. “I’m doing okay, Cap…I mean Chief,” he corrected.

Hank chuckled at the mistake.

“It’s not like it just happened, you know?” Johnny said. “I mean it has been twenty years. But being able to have a funeral for them… one that I actually get to attend, has really helped me get some closure. It gives me some comfort… some peace. They’re close by now, and I can visit their graves whenever I feel the need,” Johnny explained.

“I’m glad, John. It was a very nice service, and I am sure your mom and dad would be very proud of you… I know I always have been, son,” Hank said with an affectionate pat on Johnny’s back.

Johnny’s mouth felt dry as he tried to get a grip on his emotions. He wanted to respond but was struggling to find the words. He couldn’t hide the moisture in his eyes as he turned and hugged the man he had respected and admired for so many years. “Thank you, sir,” he finally manage to get out. “Hearing those words from you is a real honor.”

For the first hour the mood in the ranch house remained low key in deference to the occasion. But as people began to drift around the house, some onto the porch, others into the great room, people gradually began to relax. Soon quiet laughter could be heard as stories of past glories and mishaps began to creep into their conversations. Johnny loosened his tie and opened the top two buttons on his shirt. He removed his suit jacket and flung it over the back of a chair and kicked off his shoes before flopping onto the sofa… his body and mind slowly beginning to unwind.

Roy approached him with a plate of food. “Here, Junior, You’d better get something inside your stomach while there is still something left.”

Johnny took the plate and motioned for Roy to sit beside him.

“You doin’ okay?” Roy asked.

Johnny nodded. “Yes, Roy… I’m doing just fine. The service was everything I wanted it to be and more, thanks to you. Thanks again for inviting the guys here. It meant a lot to me to have them here. I am very pleased… and very happy.”

“Well, Junior, You’re welcome,” Roy answered. “But to be honest, they all really wanted to be here for you. There are a lot of people who really do care about you, Johnny. You’re a hell of a good man.” Roy reached over and squeezed Johnny’s knee. “You’re a hell of a good brother too,” he added.

Johnny reached over and put his arm around Roy’s shoulder and gave it an affectionate pat. “I had a hell of a good teacher,” he replied with a smile.

                                               ~                            ~                         ~

It was just after seven and the sun was beginning to set over his parents graves as Johnny stood looking at the mound of earth covered with flowers. The stone had been set in place and Johnny thought that it looked very peaceful.

He thought back over the day and smiled. He realized just how blessed he was.

He felt especially blessed to have found a man like Roy DeSoto.

“He gave me a second chance at life and family,” he said out loud to the headstone. “You’d really love him mom… so would you dad. And I want you to know that I’m doing good … really good. I can’t begin to tell you how much I miss you guys… there’s still a big hole in my heart ... but thanks to Roy, Joanne and Dix… well, as odd a bunch as we seem, we really do make a great family.

Johnny looked back at his house and the group of cars surrounding it and smiled. His Tiyospaye might seem odd to an outsider, but then again his new family didn’t have to be perfect in the eyes of the world…just perfect for him.

Johnny looked at the grave site and smiled. The last loose threads of this life were finally tied together…all of his family were home now.

His knew that his life story would have been a vastly different book if his early life had been different … his life path would have been different. The man he was today may not even exist in this form. His drive to save others, his empathy and compassion for the hurt, sick and wounded were in many ways in direct correlation to his past. It stemmed from the abuse and losses he had endured so long ago. But looking at his life, he decided that despite it all, he was still richly blessed. And without a doubt, he counted Roy DeSoto as his biggest blessing of all.

He and Roy were brothers; and not just the usual hyperbole about the “brotherhood” of the firefighter, where you could have brothers you had never actually met or had any kind of meaningful conversation with. He and Roy weren’t brothers by virtue of the occupation. No, they were brothers in a much deeper sense… they were brothers of the soul.

Neither man could tell you when that defining moment had happened. In fact Johnny wasn’t even sure there had been a single incident that had sealed the deal. It had been more like a process… that gradual awareness that they’d become more than just partners or best friends.

He had developed relationships with all the guys at 51’s. He and Mike and Marco were friends. He and Captain Stanley and Chet were good friends. He and the doctors had become very close friends, and his kinship with Dixie and Joanne were second to none; but with him and Roy it was different. It was on a whole other level. He and Roy were kindred spirits. At times it was if they were two spirits sharing one body.

He wasn’t even sure it had been their choice. He had long ago decided that it had been Divine intervention… that it had been predestined somewhere along the way that they were to meet and become a family. The way Johnny seen it….it really was a blessing from God. And he didn’t question his blessings; he simply accepted them and was thankful for them. After all, he had had no say about all the bad things that had happened in his life. No choice about all the losses he had suffered. He’d simply had to accept that they had happened. So if he had had to accept the bad without question… he was going to take the blessings too.

The last rays of sunlight broke through the clouds as Johnny stood, necklace in hand, lost in his memories of sitting on his mother’s lap as she told him of its origins. His face broke into a peaceful smile. He closed his eyes and for one brief moment he swore he could hear the echoes of his father’s laughter in the early autumn breeze.

Johnny drank in the feeling as he thought about his life in Montana, juxtaposed with his one in Vermont. Behind him, there had been heartache and loss … ahead there was hope, family and love.  Johnny sighed contentedly and walked toward his house as he closed the door on one chapter of his life and walked toward the other.

Epilogue:

The same day John Gage was burying his parents, Declan stood on the sandy beaches on the Island of Cayman Brac.  He watched as young Dominic ran up and down the beach searching for sea shells. As he stood there he wondered how the young Paramedic who had saved his grandson’s life… whose path had suddenly crossed his again a few months earlier, was doing. After his escape from the camp, he had gone directly home, shaved his beard and put his home up for sale. He had practically given the house away, but he had been a hurry to get out of town.

No one had connected the events of what had happened that weekend to him, and with the investigation that had followed, none of his suppliers were anxious to get in touch with him. He had told all of his neighbours he was taking his grandson and moving to Oregon. Within four weeks he had left the country for good.

He had purchased a small boat and had started his own fishing charter business, and planned to spend the rest of his days living the quiet life raising his grandson. A small tug on his hand brought him out of his thoughts. He smiled down at the pair of dark eyes that were looking up at him.

“Come on Grandpa… help me look for shells,” the child urged. Declan reached down and took the child’s hand in his. “You got it, buddy,” he  said as the two of them  walked  hand in hand up the beach, their laughter drifting up toward the heavens.

                                                                    The End.

Posted to Site 09/13/14

Links to Parts 1. 2.

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